Time to Go

“I want you to authorize a shuttle. I'm going back to Nar Shaddaa.”

Kol's smile dissolved as he halted his approach to kiss the fiery redhead who had just stepped into his private quarters. “I know you're unhappy with what happened, but if you---”

“What? Stop and think? That's all I've been doing since the briefing – thinking.” Aittera shook her head in that slow, incredulous way she had when she felt like she was completely out of her depth. “I don't belong here.”

“Aittera,” he implored as he took the final step to bring himself to stand before her, his voice softening as he touched her cheek. “Yes, you do. You belong here with me, at my side. We've been through this. I did what was necessary. As Darth Ragious, I cannot be seen as weak, and I cannot allow two of my commanders to conspire against me.”

“You executed them without any evidence,” she asserted, not quite making eye contact. Her stomach was still churning in spite of how thoroughly she'd emptied it in the privacy of her own room.

“I told you. I have no doubt in your assessment.”

“I didn't know I was sentencing them to death by sharing an observation!” Now she did lift her eyes to meet his, and he saw the guilt he was already feeling from her.

“You were trained as an assassin for SIS, Aittera. You've killed people before.”

“I followed orders given to me that were based on extensive assessment of threats to the Republic. By killing a handful of people, I saved hundreds, possibly thousands of lives. Two months with you, and I'm stabbing mercenaries in the neck and watching you cut off the heads of people I point at.” She stepped past Kol to pace the room with a pained expression.

“People who would have tried to kill me and, very likely, you as well,” he reminded her.

“Maybe,” Aittera acknowledged with a nod. “Or, maybe they would have realized what they were up against and changed their minds, altered their plans. It's one thing to anticipate and defend against an attack, and it's another to outright kill someone for the way they look at you in a briefing.”

Kol bristled as he watched her walk the small strip of floor between the door and the couch. “Would you have preferred that I wait for him to attack you? I saw the way he looked at you! Sith can sense emotion, and the moment he realized you suspected him, he had reason enough to kill you. I'm not going to apologize for acting first!”

She stopped her pacing to glower at him. “I'm not asking you to! I'm just---Damnit, Kol, I shouldn't have been here in the first place! Hell, they were both Sith! I am standing here, feeling horrible about causing the death of two SITH! I'm so out of my element at this moment, I'm beginning to wonder which way is up!”

Groaning, Aittera sank onto the couch and rubbed a hand over her face, the fight draining from her as quickly as it had come. “I don't belong here. I can't live like this – constantly looking over my shoulder for which member of your family is going to come after me or which of your men are going to use me as proof that Darth Ragious's head should be the next one rolling across the floor. I can't be responsible for the death of someone's father or son, just because I---”

Kol took a seat beside her on the couch to put an arm around her. “You're not. I made that decision, not you. As for looking over your shoulder, can you honestly say you weren't already doing that before, when we were enemies?”

“You were easier to spot,” she joked darkly as she let him pull her against his side. “Still, this is where I need to step off and get some space. I don't recognize myself anymore. It's not forever, and I'm not...walking away from whatever this---we---are. You know where to find me.”