Things in Eden had gone well, and for a few hours, Raene's entire focus was one of punishing Devouring Earth with the brunt of her anger and pain.
After, though... After was harder, too quiet, and she found herself perched on the rooftop of a building over-looking the home of an old friend and a 'sister' she'd been avoiding for months. The two were happy and living what looked like the perfect life really, and she was truly happy for them. She loved them both, but it was hard to be around either of them - Dierdre for her happiness and Derek for a past that still wasn't far enough in the distance.
Riley came up behind her slowly and silently, careful not to startle her, and when he spoke from a few feet behind, his voice was a shell of what it was earlier at the Pocket. "It's not fair, is it?"
She let out a frustrated sigh, her voice still edged with hostility though with less conviction behind it. "Go away, Riley."
"Can't do that Raene. Not til I've had my say." He sat beside her where she was perched on the ledge of the rooftop.
"You've said enough, believe me."
"No, I haven't, believe me."
"Fine. Finish and then go away."
He looked over at her and sighed. "I'm sorry."
She blinked and looked over at him for the first time, her eyes rimmed with black where someone else's might have red from crying. "What?"
"I didn't know."
"Oh." She turned her head to look back toward the Cole estate, disappointed. "I don't want your sympathy."
"That's not what this is. I don't mean I'm sorry about that. I mean...fuck."
"We've done that already."
"It was...nice. I mean I'm sorry for hurting you."
"I've gotten used to getting hurt. Believe me when I say you didn't do a better job than I have."
"I need to make it right, Raene."
She scoffed. "Which part?"
"What do you mean?"
"Which part do you need to make right? Define 'it'. Is 'it' when you abandoned our friendship knowing that an affair with my sister's husband would eventually blow up in my face? Or is 'it' virtually spitting in my face for falling in love with someone, who by all accounts, is very much like me right down to having the same damn curse? Or is 'it' attacking me in the bar today? Or, is 'it' something else?"
Riley sighed. "I want to be your friend."
"Why now?"
"Because someone helped me see how important it is."
"Maybe that someone should be the friend, because you've done a bang-up job so far."
He looked over at her. "Oh, I don't think you like her very much."
"I don't like very many people anymore these days."
"I just...I don't know how to ask for your friendship again without sounding selfish."
"If all you have are selfish reasons, that can be a problem, yeah."
He looked down at the ground, unable to make eye contact with her. "I don't know what to say."
"Don't say anything then. They're just going to be words anyway."
"That doesn't solve things."
"True enough." She paused a beat, then hung her head. "I can't help you, Riley. I can't help anyone anymore."
"I don't believe that."
She shrugged with a bitter smirk. "Well, if you'd been around the last few months, you might."
"Sorry, I was busy running my engagement into the ground."
"And I was busy ruining my life again. Throwing away the things that mattered, making all the wrong decisions, chasing after things I couldn't have."
"Sounds familiar."
"For as long as I can remember."
"I made one right decision this entire year."
"One's better than none?"
"Not when that one decision set the course for making a lot of wrong ones."
"I'm not going to ask."
"I'm not going to tell."
"Good."
"Why do you do this?"
"Again, vague is not your friend. Which this?"
He nodded toward the estate. "Watch them?"
"Why do you think?"
"She's not living the life you should have Raene."
"Then, why do I envy her so much?"
"Because she's not afraid."
Raene didn't respond, but somewhere deep inside, she flinched.
"Still, why would you want to be married to someone that uptight anyway." Riley looked over at her with the slightest of smirks, and she almost chuckled.
"I just know that will never be my life. I can never do that."
"Maybe that's not what you're meant for?"
"Uggh...if you say the words 'Fate' or 'Destiny', I am throwing you off this roof."
"Actually, I wasn't talking about either."
"Good."
"Three times Raene. I've been close to that life three times. It's not what it's made out to be."
She sighed, closing her eyes in a useless attempt to rid her mind of the 'almost's and 'maybe's. "I don't want it anyway."
"I really am sorry for what I said. It was uncalled for."
"You know... I didn't start out deciding to feel drawn to him. It was always there...that pull. I stayed away from him because of it."
"Because you couldn't feel safe in it."
"No. That's not it at all. It was because it was so familiar." She looked over at him. "He's not the only one who's cursed, you know."
"What are you talking about Raene?"
"I'm talking about walking away from a car crash that should have killed me and dying inside."
Riley looked over at her. "Am I still not allowed to say fate?"
She glared at him, her expression devoid of her usual dark humor. "Definitely."
"Am I allowed to say I'm glad you didn't die?"
"I guess," she relented begrudgingly as she looked back down at the house. "I'm sure they are too."
"You do know you gave him the greatest gift he's ever had, right?"
"That wasn't me. That was Matthew and the Crey scientists."
"I know you wanted him happy, and he would have thrown all that away for you Raene."
"He's better off."
"So are you. While I may not like him very much, I know him. He's worse than both of us."
Raene smirked. "I miss him, you know. Not...not the part where we were being stupid and thinking we could somehow be together, but just...the friend that he was."
"He misses you."
"Oh, I doubt it. He's got a very full life now. No room for me."
"I spoke to him. When he was my commander during my brief stay in the Crusaders. I told him the truth."
"What truth would that be?"
"That I know. And that it would die with me."
"I'll bet that went over well."
"He broke a table."
She couldn't help but laugh.
"While I like hearing you laugh, the reason I'm telling you is because he asked me how you were."
"And you told him about evil Raene getting together with evil Grant Miller..."
"No, he knew that one on his own. Him and Beth are close, remember?"
"Beth?"
"Pearl Thunder?" ((Somewhere in the distance, Pearl's voice sounds from the heavens like God "I heard that. Stop telling people my name, boy!"))
"Oh."
"Who, believe it or not, I think -may- actually have feelings."
She grinned. "Who'd have thought?"
Riley pointed down at the estate. "Maybe him."
"So, he had an affair with her too?" She teased.
"No." He smirked, teasing right back. "She's in love with me after all."
Raene chuckled. "Oh, is she? Does Jon know?"
"Jon who?"
"Fyrborn."
"Fyrborn who?"
She laughed.
"Tell me Raene, do you really want that?"
"No. I don't want any of it anymore. I'm cured."
"I didn't know you were sick. Should have said something."
"It was awful. I thought I was normal."
"People like us aren't normal, you know that."
Her voice softened as her gaze drifted over the surrounding Talos neighborhood. "I thought I had finally found the answer."
"So did I."
She chuckled bitterly. "So, here we are."
"Sitting on a roof looking down on people leading the life I don't think either of us really wants."
"Poetic, really."
"I was going to call it masochistic, but your word is prettier. Where do we go from here?"
"I haven't figured that out for myself yet. Don't ask me that question for you too."
"I meant our friendship."
"Well, I can solve that really quick for you."
"Are you going to push me off the building?"
She left levity, the edge returning to her voice. "You can go back to hating me, because I didn't stop loving Grant. I just can't ever be with him. Same as Derek. Same as...." She trailed off with a heavy sigh, shaking her head.
"What is it?"
"It's what happens when you beat fate. You spend the rest of your life paying for it by fending it off over and over again in the form of bad timing or... I don't know. It's a curse."
"Oh, is that why every time I get close to someone it goes to shit?"
"I don't know."
"What happened isn't your fault Raene."
"Which time?"
"The car accident."
"No. But I should've died that day. There was no reason for me to survive it, and I've paid for that."
"Yes, there was." Riley looked down at the estate again. "How well do you know him?"
"I thought pretty well."
"His past?"
"His past didn't matter to me. I know some."
"I'm not talking about the things he did. I'm talking about the choices he made."
"Get to your point."
"She's why you survived. He almost got someone I know he loves killed because he made a wrong choice in love. His personal file is a mess when it comes to who he's been attached to. We had some good people doing the compiling, they had a tough time with him. Any time you think you shouldn't have survived, you remember her. And you remember that your best friend, who I know you love, has some happiness in his life because you survived."
"I'm aware."
"And that doesn't make you happy?"
"It makes me happy for them."
"Do you still think you should have died?"
"Why does this matter so much?"
"Because I want you to see your life has purpose. And if you say to ruin everything I'll push you off this roof. I'll catch you too, but..."
"I get it. Just...just drop it now, okay? I'm back to getting on with what's left of my life yet again after once more serving my damn purpose."
"I want to be part of that life."
"I'm not the one that walked away."
"At the time I thought it best."
"That's because you're stupid." Raene grinned semi-playfully at him, once again slipping back into the comfortable banter.
"Careful, I might think Beth was in your ear. Then we'd be in some real trouble."
She stuck a finger in her ear and wriggled it, making a face. "Get her out of there!"
Riley laughed, then whispered conspiratorily. "Careful, she may have her sniper rifle trained on us. She watches you know?" He put his finger to his mouth and nodded, grinning, making her laugh. "Can you forgive my stupidity?"
She waved a hand. "Sure. Not like I can afford to turn away a friend right now anyway."
"Now who sounds selfish?"
She smirked. "It was my turn."
"I guess I'm next then?"
"I don't see why not."
"Excellent, lets go get a drink."
"Now that's the best idea I've heard all night."
"Good, because I think it's the best one I've had in about five months."
