The tall, good-natured farmer laughed as he got up from the table and looked to the two he'd been commiserating with. "Get her home when she passes out, Oz. I have a wife to find," he grinned, reaching out to shake the massive man's hand as though they'd been friends for years. From the minute Raene had introduced Oz to her friend Liam as her very dear friend, he'd treated him just as though he'd been his own best friend, and his wife, Eileen, had followed suit, insisting that he stay at the house as well.
Raene winked at Liam with a lop-sided grin as he put a hand on her shoulder with a warm smile before making his way toward the door with farewells to the few people left scattered about the small pub. He was still so much like the man she'd met nine years ago - open, kind, and well-liked by everyone. She mused inwardly that he was so very much not her usual type; no rough edges or dark places in his soul.
"He's a good man," she remarked, picking up her glass to take another sip of the dark amber fluid within. Oz nodded, watching her, and she realized that he could probably 'read' the history between them in the warmth their friendship held.
"Indeed." Oz nodded, watching Liam make his exit. "You both share a strong connection. It is comforting to be in a place of such strong camaraderie."
"Yeah. It's been a long time since I promised to come back. He'd wanted me to call this place home so much."
"I wouldn't blame you if you did. These people share a love for their home as my people did for theirs."
She nodded, smiling as she glanced around the pub as though still seeing everyone dancing and trading tales from an hour or so before, even though most of them had gone home for the evening. "I did feel at home here after a while. But...as is often pointed out by anyone that knew me back then, I could never get my feet to stop twitching." Raene glanced toward the door with a distant gaze. "He wanted me to marry him."
Micah had brought her here just two days after he'd found her on a rooftop mere hours after Rheinallt's funeral, inky darkness drenched with her despair billowing from her eyes and hands. He never asked if she meant to jump, but she'd muse later that bringing her to a remote Irish village that lacked any buildings higher than two stories was probably an indication that it wasn't a question in his mind. As she'd done with Oz, Micah had simply introduced her as a very dear friend, and she was instantly accepted. She wasn't sure how long she'd been there before she began to live again, but Liam had been kind and patient, allowing her to grieve in her own way but always being just close enough at hand to keep an eye on her. It was weeks before they'd become friends, months before they'd become lovers.
She smirked, looking back to Oz as her mind returned to the present. "Can you imagine me as a farmer's wife in a quaint little Irish village? I'd have driven that poor man batty."
"I don't know about that, Raene. There are obviously things that he loves about you, and he cares deeply for you. That is what is most important. But perhaps this is not where you're meant to stay. You will find your place. We will all eventually find ourselves connected to one place, and that is what we will call our -true- home."
"I thought I already had." She frowned slightly, picking up her drink again. "I just...thought since this place saved me once..." she shrugged, trailing off.
"It is not the place itself that saved you. In fact, nothing here saved you. You saved yourself. It merely took the aid of the people, and the bond they all share, sharing that bond with you. You can find that anywhere."
"Okay, fine. Being here helped me save myself. Made me want to go learn more about myself and gave me a direction to start in when I thought my life should be over."
"Was that so hard?"
She cocked her head at him with a grin. "You and your semantics."
"Yes, yes, blame my semantics."
Raene chuckled.
"But I'm only casting light upon the areas that you refuse to look to, at times.
"I don't know, Oz. I think it's more a matter of trying to survive than anything else. This was the first place I'd ever felt actual, palpable peace. One of the few."
"Peace comes first from within."
"I came here after the accident. Believe me when I say there was -no- peace within." She stared at the glass in her hand, remembering. "I was lucky that Liam's brother found me when he did, brought me here for him to look after. I had no control over the dark side of my...nature? I guess?" She scowled. "You'd probably say it was fate."
"One could argue Fate as much as one could argue Fate. They are, in essence, the same thing."
She laughed, shaking her head. "Do you ever stop sounding like a sensai with a stubborn pupil?"
"That depends on the person listening. To the student, no, but to the casual observer, yes."
"Tell you what...I need a favor just for tonight."
"Hm?"
Raene drained her glass and set it aside on the table, then leaned forward to crook a finger in his direction. "Pretend I'm not the student for just ten minutes. I need a friend, not a teacher."
"I have never regarded you as a student, I am merely being myself. I'm sorry that you view it otherwise, but this is who I am. "
"I just mean...You're saying these things to me, and I just... You're not inside of them. I'm telling you things about me, and you're responding. Where's Oz in all of this?"
"I am here, as I've always been."
"The other day...you talked about your father and how he cared about your mother, and I saw you in it. Your inflections, the expression on your face... I just..." She smiled, sitting back again. "I really liked that. It gave me a connection to you...or...reminded me of it, rather."
"I see much of my mother in you."
"Yeah?" She tilted her head to the side curiously.
Oz nodded. "Yes. Without a doubt."
"Because I've got itchy feet?"
"No, not at all. Because in some way, you have a bond with everything and everyone around you, no matter where you travel. That is why I know that running will never truly give you what you want. You will never be at your happiest, or fully at peace so long as you run. It took my Mother many years to understand this. But there was no way for her to care or love with the intensity that she wanted to, so long as she kept fleeing what was right for her."
She gave him a lop-sided grin. "I suppose there's hope for me yet."
"There has always been hope for you."
"Oz...intensity is all I know. It's like I was born intense. That's part of what I'm running from sometimes, I think."
"I don't believe a quiet life in Ireland is exactly intense, Raene, but you lived it well enough. Even a Hurricane has a calm center."
"I love with intensity, and then it explodes in my face. It's always more than I can bear. I cared for Liam, but...I didn't love him. I was still in love with Rheinallt."
"A child falls many times before they truly learn to walk. And even then we, as adults, often stumble. Love is the same way."
"Yeah, well...stumbling hurts." She looked over at the empty glass on the table with a stubborn pain in her dark eyes. "And I'm done with it. I never seem to get it right anyway."
"Yes, perhaps... If only a child could learn to turn away from something as essential as walking. How fortunate they would be to avoid the world, in all of its dangers and wonders. How fortunate indeed..."
"Oh stop. You...you wander the world, but you don't walk. You don't fall in love. You observe it, sure, and you have comraderie with some, but..." Raene shook her head as she trailed off. "I don't know. I should shut up, I guess. Too much whiskey or not enough. You're just as good as I used to be at not getting too close."
"Or perhaps my way of getting close is different than you think. There are many forms of perception. The point is, if a child were to swear off learning to walk out of fear of falling, scraping their knees, they would never be able to experience the world, to experience what existence has to offer. The same can be said for love, as it is it's own world, filled with many dangers, but many more wonders."
"My point is... Pot." She leaned forward again. "Kettle." She put a finger square in the center of his chest.
Oz shook his head. "No, I'm sorry."
"Black." She finished with an impish grin. "You didn't even want to try to be friends with me in the beginning. You remember that? I annoyed the hell out of you."
"No you didn't."
"Well, something made you walk away...what was it? Twice? And that was just friendship."
"Yes, and your willingness to bring it up everytime concerns me, but I won't question it. My walking away had nothing to do with you, as I had explained more than once to you."
She sighed, getting up with a nod. "Right. Sorry. I keep thinking there's something we have in common."
"On the surface, one would say that we are different. Beneath that, we are connected, yes. Similar, yes."
"I guess that's what I was looking for tonight." She grinned slightly, nodding her head again. "I'm ready to go home. I'll leave in the morning."
"Very well. Will you go alone, or do you want me to accompany you?"
"I'd like the company. Yours, I mean."
"Very well."
She hesitated for a moment, watching him. "You're frustrating sometimes, you know."
"Why's that?"
"Because you don't make it easy for me to--" She cut herself off, shaking her head. "I thought I wanted something."
"Easy to what, Raene?"
"I just want one minute where you're not busy being flawless."
"I'm never busy being anything. I can only be myself. This is who I am - I am not lying to you, or hiding anything."
She rolled her eyes, growing more frustrated. "Fine. Then, I can't stand that you don't make mistakes."
"I've made mistakes. I have never admitted to being perfect, I'm not."
"I make them all the time. I just made a huge one. I just want to feel like I'm not--" She winced at herself and turned to walk toward the door. "I'll see you in the morning."
"You are upset with me?"
Without turning around to look at him, she stopped, her head dropping for just a moment with a heavy sigh. "No, Oz. I'm upset with myself. Yet another all too human flaw."
"And why is that?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does. It matters to me."
She sighed. "Comfort. There's no comfort in talking about walking or falling or....whatever."
"I see. Very well, then."
"I appreciate everything you've done for me. Thank you for coming to get me, and thank you for escorting me home tomorrow."
"Yes, of course."
She resumed making her way to the door, waving a farewell to the bartender absently, and Oz watched her leave, a sad, distant look in his eyes.
No comments:
Post a Comment