After careful consideration and discussion, it's been decided that I mis-assigned this egregiously the first time around.
This fits the original Sheridan...and a whole bunch of others from past and present as labelled below. I suppose that really just makes it a Lela song. :P
Showing posts with label Midnite Tempest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Midnite Tempest. Show all posts
7/02/2014
9/26/2011
Midnite Tempest
Character Name: Midnite Tempest
Real Name: Raene Barsa
Server: Virtue
Origin: Natural
Archetype: Kin/Dark Defender
VG: Descent
Alignment: Rogue
Fiancee: Time Breaker (Real Name: Wyatt Cole)
Signature Song: You Look Like Rain by Morphine
Personality: Laid back, easy going, Zen philosopher, Seasoned traveller
1/05/2009
Character Spotlight: Midnite Tempest
Hero Name: Midnite Tempest
Character Name: Raene Barsa
Server: Virtue
Level: 23
Archetype: Kinetics/Dark Defender
SG: The Starchasers
TFs Needed: Transcendence Trial, Positron, Synapse, Sister Psyche
Personality/Backstory: Raene is more easy-going and laid back then her old self, and she has settled into life in Paragon again after recovering from a mystical coma that was a result of a dangerous trance that she attempted a while ago.
Signature Song: "You Look Like Rain" by Morphine
Most recently: An old friend came back into her life - Shrouded Spectre (Riley) - as well as a few new people (one with a very familiar face) to make life interesting again. Maybe a little -too- interesting...
Character Name: Raene Barsa
Server: Virtue
Level: 23
Archetype: Kinetics/Dark Defender
SG: The Starchasers
TFs Needed: Transcendence Trial, Positron, Synapse, Sister Psyche
Personality/Backstory: Raene is more easy-going and laid back then her old self, and she has settled into life in Paragon again after recovering from a mystical coma that was a result of a dangerous trance that she attempted a while ago.
Signature Song: "You Look Like Rain" by Morphine
Most recently: An old friend came back into her life - Shrouded Spectre (Riley) - as well as a few new people (one with a very familiar face) to make life interesting again. Maybe a little -too- interesting...
11/17/2008
Character Spotlight: Midnite Tempest
Hero Name: Midnite Tempest
Server: Champion
Level: 50
Archetype: Kin/Dark Defender
SG: The Mavericks
Safeguards/Mayhems Needed: KR, Steel, IP, Talos, Bricks, Peregrine
TFs/SFs Needed: Hydra Trial, Statesman, Justin Augustine, Faathim, 44 Respec
Signature Song: "You Look Like Rain" by Morphine
10/17/2008
Character Spotlight: Midnite Tempest
Hero Name: Midnite Tempest
Server: Champion
Level: 50
Archetype: Kin/Dark Defender
SG: The Mavericks
Safeguards/Mayhems Needed: KR, Steel, IP, Talos, Bricks, Peregrine
TFs/SFs Needed: Hydra Trial, Statesman, Justin Augustine, Faathim, 44 Respec
Signature Song: "You Look Like Rain" by Morphine
9/17/2008
Character Spotlight: Midnite Tempest
Hero Name: Midnite TempestServer: Champion
Level: 50
Archetype: Kin/Dark Defender
SG: The Mavericks
Safeguards/Mayhems Needed: KR, Steel, IP, Talos, Bricks, Peregrine
TFs/SFs Needed: Hydra Trial, Statesman, Justin Augustine, Faathim
Signature Song: "You Look Like Rain" by Morphine
3/05/2007
2/23/2007
Midnite Tempest - Awakening
You know what I think of whenever I see you? I think of the first time we met. I've never seen anyone so possessed of themself, so sure of who they are, as you were that day. You were beautiful.
Another distant, familiar voice drifted into her prison.
I always thought that you were the one who really lived. The way you seemed to embrace life, even after what happened in Australia - it seemed like you could do anything, because if nothing else, you knew exactly who you were.
Raene wondered if she was finally snapping, and in something like desparation to finally get the inevitable over with, she responded, knowing it was more like talking to herself than anything else. 'For some of us, embracing life is about running away from the past, I guess.'
I suppose that - even after you told me about Rheinallt - I somehow thought that you thought you were more, but I can see now that maybe...just maybe you thought that it was your guilt that defined you. When you told me that you owed it to him to live, you thought it was because you'd somehow cheated death at the price of...well, his life.
'You need a psychiatric degree to arrive at that conclusion?'
Sabrina told me that he saved you. When your life is defined so much by the kind of survivor's guilt that yours was, I'd imagine that it shook you to the core.
'Shut up.'
The thing is, Raene, is that now that obligation to live, it's not over. It's doubled, tripled even. You have no right to give up just because it wasn't your fault that you lived. Rheinallt gave you a gift. He wanted you to survive. He wanted you to be whole, and he knew what it was like to be whole when he was with you, so that could only be accomplished by giving you a piece of himself.
'Shut the hell--' Something tugged at her. Pulled hard like a sudden jolt.
And now, I need you...more than ever. I need you, because you're family.
Bright, blinding light dispelled the darkness, and Raene recoiled reflexively at the warmth, but the tugging sensation continued, and she was ripped away from the self-imposed prison by the one thing - the one person - who knew the powers that created it.
I need my sister.
Another distant, familiar voice drifted into her prison.
I always thought that you were the one who really lived. The way you seemed to embrace life, even after what happened in Australia - it seemed like you could do anything, because if nothing else, you knew exactly who you were.
Raene wondered if she was finally snapping, and in something like desparation to finally get the inevitable over with, she responded, knowing it was more like talking to herself than anything else. 'For some of us, embracing life is about running away from the past, I guess.'
I suppose that - even after you told me about Rheinallt - I somehow thought that you thought you were more, but I can see now that maybe...just maybe you thought that it was your guilt that defined you. When you told me that you owed it to him to live, you thought it was because you'd somehow cheated death at the price of...well, his life.
'You need a psychiatric degree to arrive at that conclusion?'
Sabrina told me that he saved you. When your life is defined so much by the kind of survivor's guilt that yours was, I'd imagine that it shook you to the core.
'Shut up.'
The thing is, Raene, is that now that obligation to live, it's not over. It's doubled, tripled even. You have no right to give up just because it wasn't your fault that you lived. Rheinallt gave you a gift. He wanted you to survive. He wanted you to be whole, and he knew what it was like to be whole when he was with you, so that could only be accomplished by giving you a piece of himself.
'Shut the hell--' Something tugged at her. Pulled hard like a sudden jolt.
And now, I need you...more than ever. I need you, because you're family.
Bright, blinding light dispelled the darkness, and Raene recoiled reflexively at the warmth, but the tugging sensation continued, and she was ripped away from the self-imposed prison by the one thing - the one person - who knew the powers that created it.
I need my sister.
Midnite Tempest
"I think this one will always be my favorite."
Raene lifted her face to the familiar voice, the seductive Italian accent effecting a soft, captivated smile even before her dark eyes found its source.
"It is everything that new love can be - the joy in a new discovery with every moment, the beauty of the soul reflected in the world around it. It is a banquet laid out before the heart that has hungered for far too long." Rheinallt turned to look at her and smiled as though everything he'd just described was sitting before him.
"You asked me if I really wanted the night to end, and I said I wanted to know what it was like to sleep in your arms," she reminisced with a nod, though she never looked toward the painting he'd indicated. She knew which piece he'd been standing before.
He looked around the circle of paintings she'd reverently erected around herself after carefully unpacking each crate. The lamps she'd set up before them were meant to illuminate each one in a kind of outward facing halo, leaving her mediation space in shadow. "To see them like this..."
"I wanted you to speak to me." Her voice was hushed, almost afraid, as she followed his gaze to a painting of a darkened sky filled with clouds that seemed laced with cold demonic eyes.
"Ask me, mio amore infinito."
"He said you did it. You pushed me from the car. My abilities..."
"What did you think of this when you saw it?" He indicated the darker painting that had drawn his attention.
"I...it felt familiar, but I know I never saw it before," she answered uncertainly, wondering why he'd told her to ask her question if he was only going to ignore it. "It feels like despair."
Rheinallt nodded, the expression on his face darkening as his eyes became distant. "I was utterly alone and convinced that I always would be. The darkness churned inside of me in the most relentless way, and I knew that it was destruction and death." He turned back toward the raven-haired woman kneeling inside the circle. "And then, I met someone who could turn night into day with little more than the way she smiled when she looked at me."
Warmth filled Raene's cheeks, and she marvelled at the fact that he could still make her blush as though she was seventeen all over again. She rose to her feet in a smooth motion, and he met her approach with open arms that pulled her into a passionate kiss.
"I'm dreaming," she whispered in the hot breath that washed over his lips as the kiss ended.
"Yes and no, Amore, yes and no." He led her to another set of paintings, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist, keeping his lips at her temple as she looked around curiously. They were no longer in her apartment in Croatoa, but in a dark landscape or a vast room lit only by the paintings stretching out around them.
When he halted their progress, they were standing amidst another circle of paintings, each lit in the same way those in her meditation space had been. One after another, however, incited further confusion as she looked at them. They were portraits of people in her life - Liam, John, Sabrina, Dierdre, Derek, and on and on - yet they weren't quite accurate portrayals. John, for instance, had the most intense dark eyes that burned like... She looked up at Rheinallt.
"Who painted these?"
"You did."
She shook her head, looking back to the painting of Derek, who's face was too dark, too chiselled, to be right. "I don't paint."
"Your heart does, though. It always has."
"These are wrong." She stepped forward to touch a canvas. "Sabrina's hair is purple, not black. And Dierdre's eyes are like mine. Dark brown, not blue."
"What do you find the most comforting about Dierdre? What traits do you admire and love in her?"
"She loves a person for exactly what they are without placing restrictions or conditions on them. She reminds me so much of my--" She stopped herself and looked back at Rheinallt in realization. "My mother's eyes were blue."
He smiled warmly at her, touching her cheek. "And the rest?"
Feeling as though she had a key to unlock a hidden mystery, Raene turned back to the circle of paintings, studying each one. "Master Ano reminded me of my father when he spoke, so he has Father's lips. Sabrina is so happy, but the way she understands me reminds me of the way you understood me."
She stopped as she reached four paintings of recent events in her life. "I...don't--"
"Yes, you do, though the differences are much more subtle with some." His voice was reassuring, yet it carried a bit of an edge to it - not a warning so much as an understanding that this must be done.
It wasn't just John's eyes, but it was his expression. It was one of deep concentration, and he was surrounded by the same eye-filled clouds as Rheinallt's painting from before. Her voice became hushed, pained. "You. More than a few of his mannerisms reminded me of you. I never even realized."
"And the next?"
"Derek...when I was with him, I felt like I could embrace life like you and I did." She moved on to the next, knowing what to look for now, and her voice remained quiet as each explanation was more of a revelation to her. "Alex was sexy and confident, and his hands were just like yours. Strong, but gentle. I was so drawn to Grant - like a moth to a flame. I identified with the pain inside him. Did I really know the pain you carried?"
He was standing behind her now, and she leaned back against him, pulling his arms around her for comfort, half afraid he'd disintegrate into thin air and the trance would be over.
Her eyes flickered over the next painting, and she stood stock still, unsure what to make of it. The canvas was so white, it illuminated her face. She knew who it should be, but there was no image here, and her lower lip trembled.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "You weren't there."
The paintings faded from view around them, and Rheinallt's arms closed tighter around Raene in the darkness, turning to steel bands from which pain and a dark self-loathing pulsed, surrounding her.
------------------------------
Darkness.
Pain.
Fear.
She realized it hadn't been Rheinallt at all. This prison of darkness was of her own making. It was her guilt and her pain and her grief wrapped about her in a dark shroud.
And there was no one to call out to. No one could save her from herself this time.
Raene lifted her face to the familiar voice, the seductive Italian accent effecting a soft, captivated smile even before her dark eyes found its source.
"It is everything that new love can be - the joy in a new discovery with every moment, the beauty of the soul reflected in the world around it. It is a banquet laid out before the heart that has hungered for far too long." Rheinallt turned to look at her and smiled as though everything he'd just described was sitting before him.
"You asked me if I really wanted the night to end, and I said I wanted to know what it was like to sleep in your arms," she reminisced with a nod, though she never looked toward the painting he'd indicated. She knew which piece he'd been standing before.
He looked around the circle of paintings she'd reverently erected around herself after carefully unpacking each crate. The lamps she'd set up before them were meant to illuminate each one in a kind of outward facing halo, leaving her mediation space in shadow. "To see them like this..."
"I wanted you to speak to me." Her voice was hushed, almost afraid, as she followed his gaze to a painting of a darkened sky filled with clouds that seemed laced with cold demonic eyes.
"Ask me, mio amore infinito."
"He said you did it. You pushed me from the car. My abilities..."
"What did you think of this when you saw it?" He indicated the darker painting that had drawn his attention.
"I...it felt familiar, but I know I never saw it before," she answered uncertainly, wondering why he'd told her to ask her question if he was only going to ignore it. "It feels like despair."
Rheinallt nodded, the expression on his face darkening as his eyes became distant. "I was utterly alone and convinced that I always would be. The darkness churned inside of me in the most relentless way, and I knew that it was destruction and death." He turned back toward the raven-haired woman kneeling inside the circle. "And then, I met someone who could turn night into day with little more than the way she smiled when she looked at me."
Warmth filled Raene's cheeks, and she marvelled at the fact that he could still make her blush as though she was seventeen all over again. She rose to her feet in a smooth motion, and he met her approach with open arms that pulled her into a passionate kiss.
"I'm dreaming," she whispered in the hot breath that washed over his lips as the kiss ended.
"Yes and no, Amore, yes and no." He led her to another set of paintings, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist, keeping his lips at her temple as she looked around curiously. They were no longer in her apartment in Croatoa, but in a dark landscape or a vast room lit only by the paintings stretching out around them.
When he halted their progress, they were standing amidst another circle of paintings, each lit in the same way those in her meditation space had been. One after another, however, incited further confusion as she looked at them. They were portraits of people in her life - Liam, John, Sabrina, Dierdre, Derek, and on and on - yet they weren't quite accurate portrayals. John, for instance, had the most intense dark eyes that burned like... She looked up at Rheinallt.
"Who painted these?"
"You did."
She shook her head, looking back to the painting of Derek, who's face was too dark, too chiselled, to be right. "I don't paint."
"Your heart does, though. It always has."
"These are wrong." She stepped forward to touch a canvas. "Sabrina's hair is purple, not black. And Dierdre's eyes are like mine. Dark brown, not blue."
"What do you find the most comforting about Dierdre? What traits do you admire and love in her?"
"She loves a person for exactly what they are without placing restrictions or conditions on them. She reminds me so much of my--" She stopped herself and looked back at Rheinallt in realization. "My mother's eyes were blue."
He smiled warmly at her, touching her cheek. "And the rest?"
Feeling as though she had a key to unlock a hidden mystery, Raene turned back to the circle of paintings, studying each one. "Master Ano reminded me of my father when he spoke, so he has Father's lips. Sabrina is so happy, but the way she understands me reminds me of the way you understood me."
She stopped as she reached four paintings of recent events in her life. "I...don't--"
"Yes, you do, though the differences are much more subtle with some." His voice was reassuring, yet it carried a bit of an edge to it - not a warning so much as an understanding that this must be done.
It wasn't just John's eyes, but it was his expression. It was one of deep concentration, and he was surrounded by the same eye-filled clouds as Rheinallt's painting from before. Her voice became hushed, pained. "You. More than a few of his mannerisms reminded me of you. I never even realized."
"And the next?"
"Derek...when I was with him, I felt like I could embrace life like you and I did." She moved on to the next, knowing what to look for now, and her voice remained quiet as each explanation was more of a revelation to her. "Alex was sexy and confident, and his hands were just like yours. Strong, but gentle. I was so drawn to Grant - like a moth to a flame. I identified with the pain inside him. Did I really know the pain you carried?"
He was standing behind her now, and she leaned back against him, pulling his arms around her for comfort, half afraid he'd disintegrate into thin air and the trance would be over.
Her eyes flickered over the next painting, and she stood stock still, unsure what to make of it. The canvas was so white, it illuminated her face. She knew who it should be, but there was no image here, and her lower lip trembled.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "You weren't there."
The paintings faded from view around them, and Rheinallt's arms closed tighter around Raene in the darkness, turning to steel bands from which pain and a dark self-loathing pulsed, surrounding her.
------------------------------
Darkness.
Pain.
Fear.
She realized it hadn't been Rheinallt at all. This prison of darkness was of her own making. It was her guilt and her pain and her grief wrapped about her in a dark shroud.
And there was no one to call out to. No one could save her from herself this time.
11/05/2006
Midnite Tempest 10-7
Things in Eden had gone well, and for a few hours, Raene's entire focus was one of punishing Devouring Earth with the brunt of her anger and pain.
After, though... After was harder, too quiet, and she found herself perched on the rooftop of a building over-looking the home of an old friend and a 'sister' she'd been avoiding for months. The two were happy and living what looked like the perfect life really, and she was truly happy for them. She loved them both, but it was hard to be around either of them - Dierdre for her happiness and Derek for a past that still wasn't far enough in the distance.
Riley came up behind her slowly and silently, careful not to startle her, and when he spoke from a few feet behind, his voice was a shell of what it was earlier at the Pocket. "It's not fair, is it?"
She let out a frustrated sigh, her voice still edged with hostility though with less conviction behind it. "Go away, Riley."
"Can't do that Raene. Not til I've had my say." He sat beside her where she was perched on the ledge of the rooftop.
"You've said enough, believe me."
"No, I haven't, believe me."
"Fine. Finish and then go away."
He looked over at her and sighed. "I'm sorry."
She blinked and looked over at him for the first time, her eyes rimmed with black where someone else's might have red from crying. "What?"
"I didn't know."
"Oh." She turned her head to look back toward the Cole estate, disappointed. "I don't want your sympathy."
"That's not what this is. I don't mean I'm sorry about that. I mean...fuck."
"We've done that already."
"It was...nice. I mean I'm sorry for hurting you."
"I've gotten used to getting hurt. Believe me when I say you didn't do a better job than I have."
"I need to make it right, Raene."
She scoffed. "Which part?"
"What do you mean?"
"Which part do you need to make right? Define 'it'. Is 'it' when you abandoned our friendship knowing that an affair with my sister's husband would eventually blow up in my face? Or is 'it' virtually spitting in my face for falling in love with someone, who by all accounts, is very much like me right down to having the same damn curse? Or is 'it' attacking me in the bar today? Or, is 'it' something else?"
Riley sighed. "I want to be your friend."
"Why now?"
"Because someone helped me see how important it is."
"Maybe that someone should be the friend, because you've done a bang-up job so far."
He looked over at her. "Oh, I don't think you like her very much."
"I don't like very many people anymore these days."
"I just...I don't know how to ask for your friendship again without sounding selfish."
"If all you have are selfish reasons, that can be a problem, yeah."
He looked down at the ground, unable to make eye contact with her. "I don't know what to say."
"Don't say anything then. They're just going to be words anyway."
"That doesn't solve things."
"True enough." She paused a beat, then hung her head. "I can't help you, Riley. I can't help anyone anymore."
"I don't believe that."
She shrugged with a bitter smirk. "Well, if you'd been around the last few months, you might."
"Sorry, I was busy running my engagement into the ground."
"And I was busy ruining my life again. Throwing away the things that mattered, making all the wrong decisions, chasing after things I couldn't have."
"Sounds familiar."
"For as long as I can remember."
"I made one right decision this entire year."
"One's better than none?"
"Not when that one decision set the course for making a lot of wrong ones."
"I'm not going to ask."
"I'm not going to tell."
"Good."
"Why do you do this?"
"Again, vague is not your friend. Which this?"
He nodded toward the estate. "Watch them?"
"Why do you think?"
"She's not living the life you should have Raene."
"Then, why do I envy her so much?"
"Because she's not afraid."
Raene didn't respond, but somewhere deep inside, she flinched.
"Still, why would you want to be married to someone that uptight anyway." Riley looked over at her with the slightest of smirks, and she almost chuckled.
"I just know that will never be my life. I can never do that."
"Maybe that's not what you're meant for?"
"Uggh...if you say the words 'Fate' or 'Destiny', I am throwing you off this roof."
"Actually, I wasn't talking about either."
"Good."
"Three times Raene. I've been close to that life three times. It's not what it's made out to be."
She sighed, closing her eyes in a useless attempt to rid her mind of the 'almost's and 'maybe's. "I don't want it anyway."
"I really am sorry for what I said. It was uncalled for."
"You know... I didn't start out deciding to feel drawn to him. It was always there...that pull. I stayed away from him because of it."
"Because you couldn't feel safe in it."
"No. That's not it at all. It was because it was so familiar." She looked over at him. "He's not the only one who's cursed, you know."
"What are you talking about Raene?"
"I'm talking about walking away from a car crash that should have killed me and dying inside."
Riley looked over at her. "Am I still not allowed to say fate?"
She glared at him, her expression devoid of her usual dark humor. "Definitely."
"Am I allowed to say I'm glad you didn't die?"
"I guess," she relented begrudgingly as she looked back down at the house. "I'm sure they are too."
"You do know you gave him the greatest gift he's ever had, right?"
"That wasn't me. That was Matthew and the Crey scientists."
"I know you wanted him happy, and he would have thrown all that away for you Raene."
"He's better off."
"So are you. While I may not like him very much, I know him. He's worse than both of us."
Raene smirked. "I miss him, you know. Not...not the part where we were being stupid and thinking we could somehow be together, but just...the friend that he was."
"He misses you."
"Oh, I doubt it. He's got a very full life now. No room for me."
"I spoke to him. When he was my commander during my brief stay in the Crusaders. I told him the truth."
"What truth would that be?"
"That I know. And that it would die with me."
"I'll bet that went over well."
"He broke a table."
She couldn't help but laugh.
"While I like hearing you laugh, the reason I'm telling you is because he asked me how you were."
"And you told him about evil Raene getting together with evil Grant Miller..."
"No, he knew that one on his own. Him and Beth are close, remember?"
"Beth?"
"Pearl Thunder?" ((Somewhere in the distance, Pearl's voice sounds from the heavens like God "I heard that. Stop telling people my name, boy!"))
"Oh."
"Who, believe it or not, I think -may- actually have feelings."
She grinned. "Who'd have thought?"
Riley pointed down at the estate. "Maybe him."
"So, he had an affair with her too?" She teased.
"No." He smirked, teasing right back. "She's in love with me after all."
Raene chuckled. "Oh, is she? Does Jon know?"
"Jon who?"
"Fyrborn."
"Fyrborn who?"
She laughed.
"Tell me Raene, do you really want that?"
"No. I don't want any of it anymore. I'm cured."
"I didn't know you were sick. Should have said something."
"It was awful. I thought I was normal."
"People like us aren't normal, you know that."
Her voice softened as her gaze drifted over the surrounding Talos neighborhood. "I thought I had finally found the answer."
"So did I."
She chuckled bitterly. "So, here we are."
"Sitting on a roof looking down on people leading the life I don't think either of us really wants."
"Poetic, really."
"I was going to call it masochistic, but your word is prettier. Where do we go from here?"
"I haven't figured that out for myself yet. Don't ask me that question for you too."
"I meant our friendship."
"Well, I can solve that really quick for you."
"Are you going to push me off the building?"
She left levity, the edge returning to her voice. "You can go back to hating me, because I didn't stop loving Grant. I just can't ever be with him. Same as Derek. Same as...." She trailed off with a heavy sigh, shaking her head.
"What is it?"
"It's what happens when you beat fate. You spend the rest of your life paying for it by fending it off over and over again in the form of bad timing or... I don't know. It's a curse."
"Oh, is that why every time I get close to someone it goes to shit?"
"I don't know."
"What happened isn't your fault Raene."
"Which time?"
"The car accident."
"No. But I should've died that day. There was no reason for me to survive it, and I've paid for that."
"Yes, there was." Riley looked down at the estate again. "How well do you know him?"
"I thought pretty well."
"His past?"
"His past didn't matter to me. I know some."
"I'm not talking about the things he did. I'm talking about the choices he made."
"Get to your point."
"She's why you survived. He almost got someone I know he loves killed because he made a wrong choice in love. His personal file is a mess when it comes to who he's been attached to. We had some good people doing the compiling, they had a tough time with him. Any time you think you shouldn't have survived, you remember her. And you remember that your best friend, who I know you love, has some happiness in his life because you survived."
"I'm aware."
"And that doesn't make you happy?"
"It makes me happy for them."
"Do you still think you should have died?"
"Why does this matter so much?"
"Because I want you to see your life has purpose. And if you say to ruin everything I'll push you off this roof. I'll catch you too, but..."
"I get it. Just...just drop it now, okay? I'm back to getting on with what's left of my life yet again after once more serving my damn purpose."
"I want to be part of that life."
"I'm not the one that walked away."
"At the time I thought it best."
"That's because you're stupid." Raene grinned semi-playfully at him, once again slipping back into the comfortable banter.
"Careful, I might think Beth was in your ear. Then we'd be in some real trouble."
She stuck a finger in her ear and wriggled it, making a face. "Get her out of there!"
Riley laughed, then whispered conspiratorily. "Careful, she may have her sniper rifle trained on us. She watches you know?" He put his finger to his mouth and nodded, grinning, making her laugh. "Can you forgive my stupidity?"
She waved a hand. "Sure. Not like I can afford to turn away a friend right now anyway."
"Now who sounds selfish?"
She smirked. "It was my turn."
"I guess I'm next then?"
"I don't see why not."
"Excellent, lets go get a drink."
"Now that's the best idea I've heard all night."
"Good, because I think it's the best one I've had in about five months."
After, though... After was harder, too quiet, and she found herself perched on the rooftop of a building over-looking the home of an old friend and a 'sister' she'd been avoiding for months. The two were happy and living what looked like the perfect life really, and she was truly happy for them. She loved them both, but it was hard to be around either of them - Dierdre for her happiness and Derek for a past that still wasn't far enough in the distance.
Riley came up behind her slowly and silently, careful not to startle her, and when he spoke from a few feet behind, his voice was a shell of what it was earlier at the Pocket. "It's not fair, is it?"
She let out a frustrated sigh, her voice still edged with hostility though with less conviction behind it. "Go away, Riley."
"Can't do that Raene. Not til I've had my say." He sat beside her where she was perched on the ledge of the rooftop.
"You've said enough, believe me."
"No, I haven't, believe me."
"Fine. Finish and then go away."
He looked over at her and sighed. "I'm sorry."
She blinked and looked over at him for the first time, her eyes rimmed with black where someone else's might have red from crying. "What?"
"I didn't know."
"Oh." She turned her head to look back toward the Cole estate, disappointed. "I don't want your sympathy."
"That's not what this is. I don't mean I'm sorry about that. I mean...fuck."
"We've done that already."
"It was...nice. I mean I'm sorry for hurting you."
"I've gotten used to getting hurt. Believe me when I say you didn't do a better job than I have."
"I need to make it right, Raene."
She scoffed. "Which part?"
"What do you mean?"
"Which part do you need to make right? Define 'it'. Is 'it' when you abandoned our friendship knowing that an affair with my sister's husband would eventually blow up in my face? Or is 'it' virtually spitting in my face for falling in love with someone, who by all accounts, is very much like me right down to having the same damn curse? Or is 'it' attacking me in the bar today? Or, is 'it' something else?"
Riley sighed. "I want to be your friend."
"Why now?"
"Because someone helped me see how important it is."
"Maybe that someone should be the friend, because you've done a bang-up job so far."
He looked over at her. "Oh, I don't think you like her very much."
"I don't like very many people anymore these days."
"I just...I don't know how to ask for your friendship again without sounding selfish."
"If all you have are selfish reasons, that can be a problem, yeah."
He looked down at the ground, unable to make eye contact with her. "I don't know what to say."
"Don't say anything then. They're just going to be words anyway."
"That doesn't solve things."
"True enough." She paused a beat, then hung her head. "I can't help you, Riley. I can't help anyone anymore."
"I don't believe that."
She shrugged with a bitter smirk. "Well, if you'd been around the last few months, you might."
"Sorry, I was busy running my engagement into the ground."
"And I was busy ruining my life again. Throwing away the things that mattered, making all the wrong decisions, chasing after things I couldn't have."
"Sounds familiar."
"For as long as I can remember."
"I made one right decision this entire year."
"One's better than none?"
"Not when that one decision set the course for making a lot of wrong ones."
"I'm not going to ask."
"I'm not going to tell."
"Good."
"Why do you do this?"
"Again, vague is not your friend. Which this?"
He nodded toward the estate. "Watch them?"
"Why do you think?"
"She's not living the life you should have Raene."
"Then, why do I envy her so much?"
"Because she's not afraid."
Raene didn't respond, but somewhere deep inside, she flinched.
"Still, why would you want to be married to someone that uptight anyway." Riley looked over at her with the slightest of smirks, and she almost chuckled.
"I just know that will never be my life. I can never do that."
"Maybe that's not what you're meant for?"
"Uggh...if you say the words 'Fate' or 'Destiny', I am throwing you off this roof."
"Actually, I wasn't talking about either."
"Good."
"Three times Raene. I've been close to that life three times. It's not what it's made out to be."
She sighed, closing her eyes in a useless attempt to rid her mind of the 'almost's and 'maybe's. "I don't want it anyway."
"I really am sorry for what I said. It was uncalled for."
"You know... I didn't start out deciding to feel drawn to him. It was always there...that pull. I stayed away from him because of it."
"Because you couldn't feel safe in it."
"No. That's not it at all. It was because it was so familiar." She looked over at him. "He's not the only one who's cursed, you know."
"What are you talking about Raene?"
"I'm talking about walking away from a car crash that should have killed me and dying inside."
Riley looked over at her. "Am I still not allowed to say fate?"
She glared at him, her expression devoid of her usual dark humor. "Definitely."
"Am I allowed to say I'm glad you didn't die?"
"I guess," she relented begrudgingly as she looked back down at the house. "I'm sure they are too."
"You do know you gave him the greatest gift he's ever had, right?"
"That wasn't me. That was Matthew and the Crey scientists."
"I know you wanted him happy, and he would have thrown all that away for you Raene."
"He's better off."
"So are you. While I may not like him very much, I know him. He's worse than both of us."
Raene smirked. "I miss him, you know. Not...not the part where we were being stupid and thinking we could somehow be together, but just...the friend that he was."
"He misses you."
"Oh, I doubt it. He's got a very full life now. No room for me."
"I spoke to him. When he was my commander during my brief stay in the Crusaders. I told him the truth."
"What truth would that be?"
"That I know. And that it would die with me."
"I'll bet that went over well."
"He broke a table."
She couldn't help but laugh.
"While I like hearing you laugh, the reason I'm telling you is because he asked me how you were."
"And you told him about evil Raene getting together with evil Grant Miller..."
"No, he knew that one on his own. Him and Beth are close, remember?"
"Beth?"
"Pearl Thunder?" ((Somewhere in the distance, Pearl's voice sounds from the heavens like God "I heard that. Stop telling people my name, boy!"))
"Oh."
"Who, believe it or not, I think -may- actually have feelings."
She grinned. "Who'd have thought?"
Riley pointed down at the estate. "Maybe him."
"So, he had an affair with her too?" She teased.
"No." He smirked, teasing right back. "She's in love with me after all."
Raene chuckled. "Oh, is she? Does Jon know?"
"Jon who?"
"Fyrborn."
"Fyrborn who?"
She laughed.
"Tell me Raene, do you really want that?"
"No. I don't want any of it anymore. I'm cured."
"I didn't know you were sick. Should have said something."
"It was awful. I thought I was normal."
"People like us aren't normal, you know that."
Her voice softened as her gaze drifted over the surrounding Talos neighborhood. "I thought I had finally found the answer."
"So did I."
She chuckled bitterly. "So, here we are."
"Sitting on a roof looking down on people leading the life I don't think either of us really wants."
"Poetic, really."
"I was going to call it masochistic, but your word is prettier. Where do we go from here?"
"I haven't figured that out for myself yet. Don't ask me that question for you too."
"I meant our friendship."
"Well, I can solve that really quick for you."
"Are you going to push me off the building?"
She left levity, the edge returning to her voice. "You can go back to hating me, because I didn't stop loving Grant. I just can't ever be with him. Same as Derek. Same as...." She trailed off with a heavy sigh, shaking her head.
"What is it?"
"It's what happens when you beat fate. You spend the rest of your life paying for it by fending it off over and over again in the form of bad timing or... I don't know. It's a curse."
"Oh, is that why every time I get close to someone it goes to shit?"
"I don't know."
"What happened isn't your fault Raene."
"Which time?"
"The car accident."
"No. But I should've died that day. There was no reason for me to survive it, and I've paid for that."
"Yes, there was." Riley looked down at the estate again. "How well do you know him?"
"I thought pretty well."
"His past?"
"His past didn't matter to me. I know some."
"I'm not talking about the things he did. I'm talking about the choices he made."
"Get to your point."
"She's why you survived. He almost got someone I know he loves killed because he made a wrong choice in love. His personal file is a mess when it comes to who he's been attached to. We had some good people doing the compiling, they had a tough time with him. Any time you think you shouldn't have survived, you remember her. And you remember that your best friend, who I know you love, has some happiness in his life because you survived."
"I'm aware."
"And that doesn't make you happy?"
"It makes me happy for them."
"Do you still think you should have died?"
"Why does this matter so much?"
"Because I want you to see your life has purpose. And if you say to ruin everything I'll push you off this roof. I'll catch you too, but..."
"I get it. Just...just drop it now, okay? I'm back to getting on with what's left of my life yet again after once more serving my damn purpose."
"I want to be part of that life."
"I'm not the one that walked away."
"At the time I thought it best."
"That's because you're stupid." Raene grinned semi-playfully at him, once again slipping back into the comfortable banter.
"Careful, I might think Beth was in your ear. Then we'd be in some real trouble."
She stuck a finger in her ear and wriggled it, making a face. "Get her out of there!"
Riley laughed, then whispered conspiratorily. "Careful, she may have her sniper rifle trained on us. She watches you know?" He put his finger to his mouth and nodded, grinning, making her laugh. "Can you forgive my stupidity?"
She waved a hand. "Sure. Not like I can afford to turn away a friend right now anyway."
"Now who sounds selfish?"
She smirked. "It was my turn."
"I guess I'm next then?"
"I don't see why not."
"Excellent, lets go get a drink."
"Now that's the best idea I've heard all night."
"Good, because I think it's the best one I've had in about five months."
10/31/2006
10/27/2006
Midnite Tempest 10-7
When Chris had called, Raene had barely heard much more than "need some help" before she'd blurted out her agreement to meet him in Eden. She just wanted to feel useful and a part of things again. She'd come home to find her apartment just as she'd left it, but it seemed as though the memories surrounded and assaulted her. She'd hung up, looked around once more before leaving to look for something to occupy her until it was time to meet later.
When she stepped off of the elevator in the Pocket D, she told herself that it was just for one drink and the sense that there were other people around.
"Whiskey, neat," she'd told the bartender, leaning over the bar to be heard rather than shouting over the techno music. The sound of glass breaking drew her attention, and she looked over to a booth nearby. The occupant was all too familiar a face, and she found herself cursing inwardly as she scowled at him. "Great. Just what I need."
She turned back to the bar when her drink arrived while his eyes bore seething holes into her back from where he sat glaring at her between beers.
"What are you doing here? Don't you have an asshole to be home with?"
She ordered another whiskey when she realized her glass was already empty, seething. "Oh go to hell, Riley. I don't need your shit today." It had been bad enough the way he'd unceremoniously attacked her relationship with Grant and turned his back on their friendship. The crappy timing of this little encounter was proof that her life was back to normal in a way.
"Been there, done that. And I was here first anyway."
"Then at least stop trying to bait me into this fight. It doesn't matter anymore anyway, and I got the fucking message."
"What message is that?" he demanded, glaring at her.
"That you can't beat Fate. I got it, okay? I can't beat Fate. So just...spare me the fucking 'I told you so's."
"Well, I think you missed a few messages, like the one where you don't let a friend pour their broken heart out to you, then turn around and fuck the person that fucked them over."
She turned to look at him as though he'd gone insane. "What the hell are you talking about?"
He continued to glare at her between beers. "Your boyfriend, when we first met you and I, you knew the history."
Raene shook her head with a sigh. "I didn't choose Grant, moron. It wasn't like that." She looked down at the second empty glass in front of her, wondering if she'd actually drunk it's contents or if they'd evaporated, murmuring softly to herself, "That wasn't the choice."
"Save it Raene. It's not like it matters anyway, I got it, I'm not important."
"Oh to hell with you. You were the one that turned your back on me."
"When was that? While I was keeping your affair secret?"
"No, when you stopped talking to me at all, and then you attacked me for being concerned when you finally did show your face."
"Or was it when I was with the wrong...you know what, it doesn't matter, you've shown just how much you really care."
"And how was I supposed to show you how I cared? You weren't there!"
"You showed me by your choice of fuck buddies."
"He wasn't a fuck buddy!" she shouted, and the number of customers in the upper deck bar began to dwindle rapidly as dark matter spilled from her hands and eyes, filling the air around her with pain and anger.
"No, I guess that's all I ever was though. You made your bed, you should go home and lie in it, I'm sure he misses you."
She fought to rein in her emotions, feeling the world spin out of control around her. Her voice was quiet when she spoke again, though rigid. "Please just stop. I didn't come here to be attacked."
"No, I'm sure that will come later. Good luck Raene, I really hope you're happy," Riley spat in her direction, unaffected by the change in her demeanor.
"You know...I considered you my friend. You're the one that seems to think differently. What happened with Grant had nothing to do with you. And that burns you up for some reason."
"Go to hell Raene."
"Just...just go get married and be happy and leave me alone." Another time, she might have realized she'd hit a nerve, but for now, she was simply staring at the third empty glass in front of her, gripping the bar with white knuckles surrounded by inky black.
"Oh? Now who is attacking who?"
Her black gaze left the glass, and she turned to go as tears joined the darkness that poured from her eyes in a slow, drifting haze.
"I guess you couldn't pull yourself off him long enough to get the memo, I'm no longer engaged."
She stopped without turning around, genuine empathy in her voice. "I'm sorry to hear it."
"I'm sure you are," he retorted sarcastically as he turned back to his beer.
"You're the one who turned this into some kind of betrayal of our friendship. All I was doing was living my life, Riley. I really am sorry things didn't work out for you. Lotta that going around lately." She'd managed to get all the way to the elevator before he caught up, grabbing her by the shoulder to turn her around to face him, and it was all she could do to keep from cold-cocking him right there.
"Get back here. I'm not finished."
"I'm sick of being dumped on because you've got some grudge. I don't need this today."
"Yeah, well I don't need it any day, but welcome to my world. The one that's been shit for the past five months."
"I didn't tell you off or abandon you. You're the one who did that to me. I don't know what your world's been like because you shut me out."
"You weren't interested in anything but making sure your secret was safe."
"That's not true."
"Whatever you say. Have a nice life with Grant, Raene, you two deserve each other."
That was it. As the dam broke on all of the emotions she'd been holding at bay, she turned to leave, finding her way out onto the streets of Talos, sobbing, and she wondered why the bastard just couldn't leave her alone when she heard his voice behind her again.
"What's wrong Raene? Is the truth starting to hurt?"
"Leave me the hell alone! Do you enjoy trading on other people's misery? What the hell is your problem? You need to make everyone else as miserable as you are? "
"What do you possibly have to be miserable about? You got everything you wanted."
Pure rage drove her fist toward Riley's jaw, doing nothing more than giving her the fleeting satisfaction of having hit someone who seemed to relish in tormenting her for his own pleasure. "Fuck you, asshole!"
"What? I didn't watch you move on every time you wanted someone new then? And yet you blame fate for screwing you somehow? You've been given more than I could ever hope for."
"I didn't ask for this! I didn't -want- any of this! I don't see what I've gotten aside from a string of heartaches and the contstant reminder that I'm fucking doomed to watch everything I love die or get taken away! So leave me the fuck alone, you bastard! Just go the fuck away! If I'm so terrible, I should think the last thing you want to do is follow me around to consistently tell me what a---"
"Last I checked I'm the one most likely to watch what I love die."
"Oh, you really don't know what you're talking about." This time, she pulled energy from him, drawing on his own strength to speed her escape, and she fled until she was sure he wouldn't be able to find her.
When she stepped off of the elevator in the Pocket D, she told herself that it was just for one drink and the sense that there were other people around.
"Whiskey, neat," she'd told the bartender, leaning over the bar to be heard rather than shouting over the techno music. The sound of glass breaking drew her attention, and she looked over to a booth nearby. The occupant was all too familiar a face, and she found herself cursing inwardly as she scowled at him. "Great. Just what I need."
She turned back to the bar when her drink arrived while his eyes bore seething holes into her back from where he sat glaring at her between beers.
"What are you doing here? Don't you have an asshole to be home with?"
She ordered another whiskey when she realized her glass was already empty, seething. "Oh go to hell, Riley. I don't need your shit today." It had been bad enough the way he'd unceremoniously attacked her relationship with Grant and turned his back on their friendship. The crappy timing of this little encounter was proof that her life was back to normal in a way.
"Been there, done that. And I was here first anyway."
"Then at least stop trying to bait me into this fight. It doesn't matter anymore anyway, and I got the fucking message."
"What message is that?" he demanded, glaring at her.
"That you can't beat Fate. I got it, okay? I can't beat Fate. So just...spare me the fucking 'I told you so's."
"Well, I think you missed a few messages, like the one where you don't let a friend pour their broken heart out to you, then turn around and fuck the person that fucked them over."
She turned to look at him as though he'd gone insane. "What the hell are you talking about?"
He continued to glare at her between beers. "Your boyfriend, when we first met you and I, you knew the history."
Raene shook her head with a sigh. "I didn't choose Grant, moron. It wasn't like that." She looked down at the second empty glass in front of her, wondering if she'd actually drunk it's contents or if they'd evaporated, murmuring softly to herself, "That wasn't the choice."
"Save it Raene. It's not like it matters anyway, I got it, I'm not important."
"Oh to hell with you. You were the one that turned your back on me."
"When was that? While I was keeping your affair secret?"
"No, when you stopped talking to me at all, and then you attacked me for being concerned when you finally did show your face."
"Or was it when I was with the wrong...you know what, it doesn't matter, you've shown just how much you really care."
"And how was I supposed to show you how I cared? You weren't there!"
"You showed me by your choice of fuck buddies."
"He wasn't a fuck buddy!" she shouted, and the number of customers in the upper deck bar began to dwindle rapidly as dark matter spilled from her hands and eyes, filling the air around her with pain and anger.
"No, I guess that's all I ever was though. You made your bed, you should go home and lie in it, I'm sure he misses you."
She fought to rein in her emotions, feeling the world spin out of control around her. Her voice was quiet when she spoke again, though rigid. "Please just stop. I didn't come here to be attacked."
"No, I'm sure that will come later. Good luck Raene, I really hope you're happy," Riley spat in her direction, unaffected by the change in her demeanor.
"You know...I considered you my friend. You're the one that seems to think differently. What happened with Grant had nothing to do with you. And that burns you up for some reason."
"Go to hell Raene."
"Just...just go get married and be happy and leave me alone." Another time, she might have realized she'd hit a nerve, but for now, she was simply staring at the third empty glass in front of her, gripping the bar with white knuckles surrounded by inky black.
"Oh? Now who is attacking who?"
Her black gaze left the glass, and she turned to go as tears joined the darkness that poured from her eyes in a slow, drifting haze.
"I guess you couldn't pull yourself off him long enough to get the memo, I'm no longer engaged."
She stopped without turning around, genuine empathy in her voice. "I'm sorry to hear it."
"I'm sure you are," he retorted sarcastically as he turned back to his beer.
"You're the one who turned this into some kind of betrayal of our friendship. All I was doing was living my life, Riley. I really am sorry things didn't work out for you. Lotta that going around lately." She'd managed to get all the way to the elevator before he caught up, grabbing her by the shoulder to turn her around to face him, and it was all she could do to keep from cold-cocking him right there.
"Get back here. I'm not finished."
"I'm sick of being dumped on because you've got some grudge. I don't need this today."
"Yeah, well I don't need it any day, but welcome to my world. The one that's been shit for the past five months."
"I didn't tell you off or abandon you. You're the one who did that to me. I don't know what your world's been like because you shut me out."
"You weren't interested in anything but making sure your secret was safe."
"That's not true."
"Whatever you say. Have a nice life with Grant, Raene, you two deserve each other."
That was it. As the dam broke on all of the emotions she'd been holding at bay, she turned to leave, finding her way out onto the streets of Talos, sobbing, and she wondered why the bastard just couldn't leave her alone when she heard his voice behind her again.
"What's wrong Raene? Is the truth starting to hurt?"
"Leave me the hell alone! Do you enjoy trading on other people's misery? What the hell is your problem? You need to make everyone else as miserable as you are? "
"What do you possibly have to be miserable about? You got everything you wanted."
Pure rage drove her fist toward Riley's jaw, doing nothing more than giving her the fleeting satisfaction of having hit someone who seemed to relish in tormenting her for his own pleasure. "Fuck you, asshole!"
"What? I didn't watch you move on every time you wanted someone new then? And yet you blame fate for screwing you somehow? You've been given more than I could ever hope for."
"I didn't ask for this! I didn't -want- any of this! I don't see what I've gotten aside from a string of heartaches and the contstant reminder that I'm fucking doomed to watch everything I love die or get taken away! So leave me the fuck alone, you bastard! Just go the fuck away! If I'm so terrible, I should think the last thing you want to do is follow me around to consistently tell me what a---"
"Last I checked I'm the one most likely to watch what I love die."
"Oh, you really don't know what you're talking about." This time, she pulled energy from him, drawing on his own strength to speed her escape, and she fled until she was sure he wouldn't be able to find her.
10/17/2006
Midnite Tempest Journal Entry
7 October
A new chapter in a familiar place. It's been nearly a year since I put my thoughts to paper which is nothing new, I suppose. My last journal was lost...left behind in a place of unspeakable torment, where I'm sure it remains if it remains at all.
Here. I am in Paragon again, because of a friend to whom my soul is bound. How such a thing can happen, I'm not certain, nor can I dwell on it at the moment. It feels like a betrayal to the man who first claimed it. It may also be the result of faerie mists and Irish whiskey - this sense of a bond deeper than kinsmanship. A desire to be connected to someone alive that I can't hurt the way I seem to have hurt everyone else I've felt a connection to. All I know is that Oz was the healer last night.
I had hoped things would be different. I'd thought I'd found a balance. I was wrong. The balance is gone. The tempest has returned, and I feel more now than before that it's not that I'm at the center of it - I am the storm that was born that night nine years ago.
So, here I am again. Living with ghosts, wishing I could become one, yet too alive to do so.
A new chapter in a familiar place. It's been nearly a year since I put my thoughts to paper which is nothing new, I suppose. My last journal was lost...left behind in a place of unspeakable torment, where I'm sure it remains if it remains at all.
Here. I am in Paragon again, because of a friend to whom my soul is bound. How such a thing can happen, I'm not certain, nor can I dwell on it at the moment. It feels like a betrayal to the man who first claimed it. It may also be the result of faerie mists and Irish whiskey - this sense of a bond deeper than kinsmanship. A desire to be connected to someone alive that I can't hurt the way I seem to have hurt everyone else I've felt a connection to. All I know is that Oz was the healer last night.
I had hoped things would be different. I'd thought I'd found a balance. I was wrong. The balance is gone. The tempest has returned, and I feel more now than before that it's not that I'm at the center of it - I am the storm that was born that night nine years ago.
So, here I am again. Living with ghosts, wishing I could become one, yet too alive to do so.
10/14/2006
Midnite Tempest 10-6 (outside the pub)
With heavy steps, Raene walked up the winding road leading back to Liam's farmhouse, the silence of the rural night somehow intensifying the ongoing turmoil that crashed back in on her now that she was away from the warmth of the pub. She cursed herself a fool for trying to escape it now - this pain and loneliness. She deserved it in a way just as she'd deserved to see Rheinallt's face every night of her life in the quiet seconds before she finally drifted to sleep.
The rain had fallen steadily in a quiet blanket over the Italian countryside, and they'd spent most of the day on the covered porch of a charming little chateau nestled in the gently rolling hills, covered in perfect green vineyards that stretched out as far as the eye could see. He'd painted her there, half-naked amidst silken red sheets, stars falling from the heavens and reflected in her deep brown eyes.
Rheinallt's paintings were alive and vibrant, a reflection of a soul equally as vibrant, and he'd declared Raene his muse from the moment they'd met nearly a year before in England. Together, they'd found their way to Italy, and each painting was sought out in the countryside around them as they explored it; rich landscapes, ageless ruins, romantic depictions of the world through his eyes. She loved him instantly as though their souls were meant to be a perfect compliment to each other. When she was a storm of emotion, he was the calm within it. When he was dark and brooding, she was comfort and hope.
It was the rain that brought her around, pattering gently on her cheeks and eyelids, and she knew before she opened her eyes that her heart was breaking. She got to her feet shakily, searching frantically for the car. It was over twenty feet away, engulfed in flames, wrapped around the grill of a large semi. Onlookers stopped her from getting closer when she screamed his name and ran toward the wreckage. She knew it was too late. She knew.
She just didn't know how she'd survived. By the time rescue workers began questioning her, dark matter flowed from her eyes and hands in steadily increasing amounts, and they quickly decided that she must have been thrown clear on impact when they couldn't even find a scratch on her. It was the manifestation of her powers, they said. Traumatic events could trigger them, awakening them from their dormancy, they said. She cheated death. She survived the unsurvivable.
Alone.
Quickened footsteps from behind pulled her thoughts to the present as Oz caught up to her, calling her name, and she stopped without turning around to face him. Darkness-tinged tears spilled down her cheeks as she waited silently for him to speak.
"I've walked my Father's footsteps all of my life, because that is my destiny, to become what he was. But I've not had him to guide me as he did before. He told me of my mother, but he never explained how their souls came to be bound."
Raene took a deep breath, looking down at the ground before her feet. Her voice cracked when she spoke, and there was a vulnerability in it that she suddenly detested about herself. "Well, I don't know anything about your people, but I imagine it would be something beautiful to hear about."
"Yes, well. My people pass their knowledge on, in all things. But finding what my father found, completing myself as he did. It is a path of self-discovery."
"As all things truly are." She chuckled a little bitterly. "My turn to sound like a teacher."
"Yes, perhaps. I do not understand it fully, but the bond that my father described to me, the one shared by he and my mother... I see that bond between you and I."
She was silent again, unmoving.
"If you've ever wished to see me at my weakest, here I stand," he finished, waiting.
She shook her head. "I don't... I don't want to see you weak, Oz. I care about you. I know there's a bond growing between us. I don't have any promises that I can give. Every time I let myself fall in--- Things go so badly, and I'd rather have that bond than see it break."
"I don't need promises. All I need is honesty, and we have that already."
"Honesty." She turned to face him, her eyes black, shining with tears. "Honestly, I'm glad you're the one that came to get me. But... I'm rudderless right now. If I'd had a couple more drinks, I'd have been too stupid to walk away without complicating our friendship."
"No, I would've been able to see through what was honest, and what wasn't."
"I wanted to find comfort in our bond. I'm hurting."
"I understand. I am here. I'm not going anywhere. Not without you."
"I told you. I'll go home tomorrow with you."
"That's tomorrow, this is tonight."
"Tonight..." Raene nodded understanding, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. "Tonight, I want you to hold me."
Oz spoke no more, taking her into his arms, holding her close to him, letting her find the truth in his actions, the honesty in every moment that the two shared.
The rain had fallen steadily in a quiet blanket over the Italian countryside, and they'd spent most of the day on the covered porch of a charming little chateau nestled in the gently rolling hills, covered in perfect green vineyards that stretched out as far as the eye could see. He'd painted her there, half-naked amidst silken red sheets, stars falling from the heavens and reflected in her deep brown eyes.
Rheinallt's paintings were alive and vibrant, a reflection of a soul equally as vibrant, and he'd declared Raene his muse from the moment they'd met nearly a year before in England. Together, they'd found their way to Italy, and each painting was sought out in the countryside around them as they explored it; rich landscapes, ageless ruins, romantic depictions of the world through his eyes. She loved him instantly as though their souls were meant to be a perfect compliment to each other. When she was a storm of emotion, he was the calm within it. When he was dark and brooding, she was comfort and hope.
It was the rain that brought her around, pattering gently on her cheeks and eyelids, and she knew before she opened her eyes that her heart was breaking. She got to her feet shakily, searching frantically for the car. It was over twenty feet away, engulfed in flames, wrapped around the grill of a large semi. Onlookers stopped her from getting closer when she screamed his name and ran toward the wreckage. She knew it was too late. She knew.
She just didn't know how she'd survived. By the time rescue workers began questioning her, dark matter flowed from her eyes and hands in steadily increasing amounts, and they quickly decided that she must have been thrown clear on impact when they couldn't even find a scratch on her. It was the manifestation of her powers, they said. Traumatic events could trigger them, awakening them from their dormancy, they said. She cheated death. She survived the unsurvivable.
Alone.
Quickened footsteps from behind pulled her thoughts to the present as Oz caught up to her, calling her name, and she stopped without turning around to face him. Darkness-tinged tears spilled down her cheeks as she waited silently for him to speak.
"I've walked my Father's footsteps all of my life, because that is my destiny, to become what he was. But I've not had him to guide me as he did before. He told me of my mother, but he never explained how their souls came to be bound."
Raene took a deep breath, looking down at the ground before her feet. Her voice cracked when she spoke, and there was a vulnerability in it that she suddenly detested about herself. "Well, I don't know anything about your people, but I imagine it would be something beautiful to hear about."
"Yes, well. My people pass their knowledge on, in all things. But finding what my father found, completing myself as he did. It is a path of self-discovery."
"As all things truly are." She chuckled a little bitterly. "My turn to sound like a teacher."
"Yes, perhaps. I do not understand it fully, but the bond that my father described to me, the one shared by he and my mother... I see that bond between you and I."
She was silent again, unmoving.
"If you've ever wished to see me at my weakest, here I stand," he finished, waiting.
She shook her head. "I don't... I don't want to see you weak, Oz. I care about you. I know there's a bond growing between us. I don't have any promises that I can give. Every time I let myself fall in--- Things go so badly, and I'd rather have that bond than see it break."
"I don't need promises. All I need is honesty, and we have that already."
"Honesty." She turned to face him, her eyes black, shining with tears. "Honestly, I'm glad you're the one that came to get me. But... I'm rudderless right now. If I'd had a couple more drinks, I'd have been too stupid to walk away without complicating our friendship."
"No, I would've been able to see through what was honest, and what wasn't."
"I wanted to find comfort in our bond. I'm hurting."
"I understand. I am here. I'm not going anywhere. Not without you."
"I told you. I'll go home tomorrow with you."
"That's tomorrow, this is tonight."
"Tonight..." Raene nodded understanding, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. "Tonight, I want you to hold me."
Oz spoke no more, taking her into his arms, holding her close to him, letting her find the truth in his actions, the honesty in every moment that the two shared.
Midnite Tempest 10-6
The tall, good-natured farmer laughed as he got up from the table and looked to the two he'd been commiserating with. "Get her home when she passes out, Oz. I have a wife to find," he grinned, reaching out to shake the massive man's hand as though they'd been friends for years. From the minute Raene had introduced Oz to her friend Liam as her very dear friend, he'd treated him just as though he'd been his own best friend, and his wife, Eileen, had followed suit, insisting that he stay at the house as well.
Raene winked at Liam with a lop-sided grin as he put a hand on her shoulder with a warm smile before making his way toward the door with farewells to the few people left scattered about the small pub. He was still so much like the man she'd met nine years ago - open, kind, and well-liked by everyone. She mused inwardly that he was so very much not her usual type; no rough edges or dark places in his soul.
"He's a good man," she remarked, picking up her glass to take another sip of the dark amber fluid within. Oz nodded, watching her, and she realized that he could probably 'read' the history between them in the warmth their friendship held.
"Indeed." Oz nodded, watching Liam make his exit. "You both share a strong connection. It is comforting to be in a place of such strong camaraderie."
"Yeah. It's been a long time since I promised to come back. He'd wanted me to call this place home so much."
"I wouldn't blame you if you did. These people share a love for their home as my people did for theirs."
She nodded, smiling as she glanced around the pub as though still seeing everyone dancing and trading tales from an hour or so before, even though most of them had gone home for the evening. "I did feel at home here after a while. But...as is often pointed out by anyone that knew me back then, I could never get my feet to stop twitching." Raene glanced toward the door with a distant gaze. "He wanted me to marry him."
Micah had brought her here just two days after he'd found her on a rooftop mere hours after Rheinallt's funeral, inky darkness drenched with her despair billowing from her eyes and hands. He never asked if she meant to jump, but she'd muse later that bringing her to a remote Irish village that lacked any buildings higher than two stories was probably an indication that it wasn't a question in his mind. As she'd done with Oz, Micah had simply introduced her as a very dear friend, and she was instantly accepted. She wasn't sure how long she'd been there before she began to live again, but Liam had been kind and patient, allowing her to grieve in her own way but always being just close enough at hand to keep an eye on her. It was weeks before they'd become friends, months before they'd become lovers.
She smirked, looking back to Oz as her mind returned to the present. "Can you imagine me as a farmer's wife in a quaint little Irish village? I'd have driven that poor man batty."
"I don't know about that, Raene. There are obviously things that he loves about you, and he cares deeply for you. That is what is most important. But perhaps this is not where you're meant to stay. You will find your place. We will all eventually find ourselves connected to one place, and that is what we will call our -true- home."
"I thought I already had." She frowned slightly, picking up her drink again. "I just...thought since this place saved me once..." she shrugged, trailing off.
"It is not the place itself that saved you. In fact, nothing here saved you. You saved yourself. It merely took the aid of the people, and the bond they all share, sharing that bond with you. You can find that anywhere."
"Okay, fine. Being here helped me save myself. Made me want to go learn more about myself and gave me a direction to start in when I thought my life should be over."
"Was that so hard?"
She cocked her head at him with a grin. "You and your semantics."
"Yes, yes, blame my semantics."
Raene chuckled.
"But I'm only casting light upon the areas that you refuse to look to, at times.
"I don't know, Oz. I think it's more a matter of trying to survive than anything else. This was the first place I'd ever felt actual, palpable peace. One of the few."
"Peace comes first from within."
"I came here after the accident. Believe me when I say there was -no- peace within." She stared at the glass in her hand, remembering. "I was lucky that Liam's brother found me when he did, brought me here for him to look after. I had no control over the dark side of my...nature? I guess?" She scowled. "You'd probably say it was fate."
"One could argue Fate as much as one could argue Fate. They are, in essence, the same thing."
She laughed, shaking her head. "Do you ever stop sounding like a sensai with a stubborn pupil?"
"That depends on the person listening. To the student, no, but to the casual observer, yes."
"Tell you what...I need a favor just for tonight."
"Hm?"
Raene drained her glass and set it aside on the table, then leaned forward to crook a finger in his direction. "Pretend I'm not the student for just ten minutes. I need a friend, not a teacher."
"I have never regarded you as a student, I am merely being myself. I'm sorry that you view it otherwise, but this is who I am. "
"I just mean...You're saying these things to me, and I just... You're not inside of them. I'm telling you things about me, and you're responding. Where's Oz in all of this?"
"I am here, as I've always been."
"The other day...you talked about your father and how he cared about your mother, and I saw you in it. Your inflections, the expression on your face... I just..." She smiled, sitting back again. "I really liked that. It gave me a connection to you...or...reminded me of it, rather."
"I see much of my mother in you."
"Yeah?" She tilted her head to the side curiously.
Oz nodded. "Yes. Without a doubt."
"Because I've got itchy feet?"
"No, not at all. Because in some way, you have a bond with everything and everyone around you, no matter where you travel. That is why I know that running will never truly give you what you want. You will never be at your happiest, or fully at peace so long as you run. It took my Mother many years to understand this. But there was no way for her to care or love with the intensity that she wanted to, so long as she kept fleeing what was right for her."
She gave him a lop-sided grin. "I suppose there's hope for me yet."
"There has always been hope for you."
"Oz...intensity is all I know. It's like I was born intense. That's part of what I'm running from sometimes, I think."
"I don't believe a quiet life in Ireland is exactly intense, Raene, but you lived it well enough. Even a Hurricane has a calm center."
"I love with intensity, and then it explodes in my face. It's always more than I can bear. I cared for Liam, but...I didn't love him. I was still in love with Rheinallt."
"A child falls many times before they truly learn to walk. And even then we, as adults, often stumble. Love is the same way."
"Yeah, well...stumbling hurts." She looked over at the empty glass on the table with a stubborn pain in her dark eyes. "And I'm done with it. I never seem to get it right anyway."
"Yes, perhaps... If only a child could learn to turn away from something as essential as walking. How fortunate they would be to avoid the world, in all of its dangers and wonders. How fortunate indeed..."
"Oh stop. You...you wander the world, but you don't walk. You don't fall in love. You observe it, sure, and you have comraderie with some, but..." Raene shook her head as she trailed off. "I don't know. I should shut up, I guess. Too much whiskey or not enough. You're just as good as I used to be at not getting too close."
"Or perhaps my way of getting close is different than you think. There are many forms of perception. The point is, if a child were to swear off learning to walk out of fear of falling, scraping their knees, they would never be able to experience the world, to experience what existence has to offer. The same can be said for love, as it is it's own world, filled with many dangers, but many more wonders."
"My point is... Pot." She leaned forward again. "Kettle." She put a finger square in the center of his chest.
Oz shook his head. "No, I'm sorry."
"Black." She finished with an impish grin. "You didn't even want to try to be friends with me in the beginning. You remember that? I annoyed the hell out of you."
"No you didn't."
"Well, something made you walk away...what was it? Twice? And that was just friendship."
"Yes, and your willingness to bring it up everytime concerns me, but I won't question it. My walking away had nothing to do with you, as I had explained more than once to you."
She sighed, getting up with a nod. "Right. Sorry. I keep thinking there's something we have in common."
"On the surface, one would say that we are different. Beneath that, we are connected, yes. Similar, yes."
"I guess that's what I was looking for tonight." She grinned slightly, nodding her head again. "I'm ready to go home. I'll leave in the morning."
"Very well. Will you go alone, or do you want me to accompany you?"
"I'd like the company. Yours, I mean."
"Very well."
She hesitated for a moment, watching him. "You're frustrating sometimes, you know."
"Why's that?"
"Because you don't make it easy for me to--" She cut herself off, shaking her head. "I thought I wanted something."
"Easy to what, Raene?"
"I just want one minute where you're not busy being flawless."
"I'm never busy being anything. I can only be myself. This is who I am - I am not lying to you, or hiding anything."
She rolled her eyes, growing more frustrated. "Fine. Then, I can't stand that you don't make mistakes."
"I've made mistakes. I have never admitted to being perfect, I'm not."
"I make them all the time. I just made a huge one. I just want to feel like I'm not--" She winced at herself and turned to walk toward the door. "I'll see you in the morning."
"You are upset with me?"
Without turning around to look at him, she stopped, her head dropping for just a moment with a heavy sigh. "No, Oz. I'm upset with myself. Yet another all too human flaw."
"And why is that?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does. It matters to me."
She sighed. "Comfort. There's no comfort in talking about walking or falling or....whatever."
"I see. Very well, then."
"I appreciate everything you've done for me. Thank you for coming to get me, and thank you for escorting me home tomorrow."
"Yes, of course."
She resumed making her way to the door, waving a farewell to the bartender absently, and Oz watched her leave, a sad, distant look in his eyes.
Raene winked at Liam with a lop-sided grin as he put a hand on her shoulder with a warm smile before making his way toward the door with farewells to the few people left scattered about the small pub. He was still so much like the man she'd met nine years ago - open, kind, and well-liked by everyone. She mused inwardly that he was so very much not her usual type; no rough edges or dark places in his soul.
"He's a good man," she remarked, picking up her glass to take another sip of the dark amber fluid within. Oz nodded, watching her, and she realized that he could probably 'read' the history between them in the warmth their friendship held.
"Indeed." Oz nodded, watching Liam make his exit. "You both share a strong connection. It is comforting to be in a place of such strong camaraderie."
"Yeah. It's been a long time since I promised to come back. He'd wanted me to call this place home so much."
"I wouldn't blame you if you did. These people share a love for their home as my people did for theirs."
She nodded, smiling as she glanced around the pub as though still seeing everyone dancing and trading tales from an hour or so before, even though most of them had gone home for the evening. "I did feel at home here after a while. But...as is often pointed out by anyone that knew me back then, I could never get my feet to stop twitching." Raene glanced toward the door with a distant gaze. "He wanted me to marry him."
Micah had brought her here just two days after he'd found her on a rooftop mere hours after Rheinallt's funeral, inky darkness drenched with her despair billowing from her eyes and hands. He never asked if she meant to jump, but she'd muse later that bringing her to a remote Irish village that lacked any buildings higher than two stories was probably an indication that it wasn't a question in his mind. As she'd done with Oz, Micah had simply introduced her as a very dear friend, and she was instantly accepted. She wasn't sure how long she'd been there before she began to live again, but Liam had been kind and patient, allowing her to grieve in her own way but always being just close enough at hand to keep an eye on her. It was weeks before they'd become friends, months before they'd become lovers.
She smirked, looking back to Oz as her mind returned to the present. "Can you imagine me as a farmer's wife in a quaint little Irish village? I'd have driven that poor man batty."
"I don't know about that, Raene. There are obviously things that he loves about you, and he cares deeply for you. That is what is most important. But perhaps this is not where you're meant to stay. You will find your place. We will all eventually find ourselves connected to one place, and that is what we will call our -true- home."
"I thought I already had." She frowned slightly, picking up her drink again. "I just...thought since this place saved me once..." she shrugged, trailing off.
"It is not the place itself that saved you. In fact, nothing here saved you. You saved yourself. It merely took the aid of the people, and the bond they all share, sharing that bond with you. You can find that anywhere."
"Okay, fine. Being here helped me save myself. Made me want to go learn more about myself and gave me a direction to start in when I thought my life should be over."
"Was that so hard?"
She cocked her head at him with a grin. "You and your semantics."
"Yes, yes, blame my semantics."
Raene chuckled.
"But I'm only casting light upon the areas that you refuse to look to, at times.
"I don't know, Oz. I think it's more a matter of trying to survive than anything else. This was the first place I'd ever felt actual, palpable peace. One of the few."
"Peace comes first from within."
"I came here after the accident. Believe me when I say there was -no- peace within." She stared at the glass in her hand, remembering. "I was lucky that Liam's brother found me when he did, brought me here for him to look after. I had no control over the dark side of my...nature? I guess?" She scowled. "You'd probably say it was fate."
"One could argue Fate as much as one could argue Fate. They are, in essence, the same thing."
She laughed, shaking her head. "Do you ever stop sounding like a sensai with a stubborn pupil?"
"That depends on the person listening. To the student, no, but to the casual observer, yes."
"Tell you what...I need a favor just for tonight."
"Hm?"
Raene drained her glass and set it aside on the table, then leaned forward to crook a finger in his direction. "Pretend I'm not the student for just ten minutes. I need a friend, not a teacher."
"I have never regarded you as a student, I am merely being myself. I'm sorry that you view it otherwise, but this is who I am. "
"I just mean...You're saying these things to me, and I just... You're not inside of them. I'm telling you things about me, and you're responding. Where's Oz in all of this?"
"I am here, as I've always been."
"The other day...you talked about your father and how he cared about your mother, and I saw you in it. Your inflections, the expression on your face... I just..." She smiled, sitting back again. "I really liked that. It gave me a connection to you...or...reminded me of it, rather."
"I see much of my mother in you."
"Yeah?" She tilted her head to the side curiously.
Oz nodded. "Yes. Without a doubt."
"Because I've got itchy feet?"
"No, not at all. Because in some way, you have a bond with everything and everyone around you, no matter where you travel. That is why I know that running will never truly give you what you want. You will never be at your happiest, or fully at peace so long as you run. It took my Mother many years to understand this. But there was no way for her to care or love with the intensity that she wanted to, so long as she kept fleeing what was right for her."
She gave him a lop-sided grin. "I suppose there's hope for me yet."
"There has always been hope for you."
"Oz...intensity is all I know. It's like I was born intense. That's part of what I'm running from sometimes, I think."
"I don't believe a quiet life in Ireland is exactly intense, Raene, but you lived it well enough. Even a Hurricane has a calm center."
"I love with intensity, and then it explodes in my face. It's always more than I can bear. I cared for Liam, but...I didn't love him. I was still in love with Rheinallt."
"A child falls many times before they truly learn to walk. And even then we, as adults, often stumble. Love is the same way."
"Yeah, well...stumbling hurts." She looked over at the empty glass on the table with a stubborn pain in her dark eyes. "And I'm done with it. I never seem to get it right anyway."
"Yes, perhaps... If only a child could learn to turn away from something as essential as walking. How fortunate they would be to avoid the world, in all of its dangers and wonders. How fortunate indeed..."
"Oh stop. You...you wander the world, but you don't walk. You don't fall in love. You observe it, sure, and you have comraderie with some, but..." Raene shook her head as she trailed off. "I don't know. I should shut up, I guess. Too much whiskey or not enough. You're just as good as I used to be at not getting too close."
"Or perhaps my way of getting close is different than you think. There are many forms of perception. The point is, if a child were to swear off learning to walk out of fear of falling, scraping their knees, they would never be able to experience the world, to experience what existence has to offer. The same can be said for love, as it is it's own world, filled with many dangers, but many more wonders."
"My point is... Pot." She leaned forward again. "Kettle." She put a finger square in the center of his chest.
Oz shook his head. "No, I'm sorry."
"Black." She finished with an impish grin. "You didn't even want to try to be friends with me in the beginning. You remember that? I annoyed the hell out of you."
"No you didn't."
"Well, something made you walk away...what was it? Twice? And that was just friendship."
"Yes, and your willingness to bring it up everytime concerns me, but I won't question it. My walking away had nothing to do with you, as I had explained more than once to you."
She sighed, getting up with a nod. "Right. Sorry. I keep thinking there's something we have in common."
"On the surface, one would say that we are different. Beneath that, we are connected, yes. Similar, yes."
"I guess that's what I was looking for tonight." She grinned slightly, nodding her head again. "I'm ready to go home. I'll leave in the morning."
"Very well. Will you go alone, or do you want me to accompany you?"
"I'd like the company. Yours, I mean."
"Very well."
She hesitated for a moment, watching him. "You're frustrating sometimes, you know."
"Why's that?"
"Because you don't make it easy for me to--" She cut herself off, shaking her head. "I thought I wanted something."
"Easy to what, Raene?"
"I just want one minute where you're not busy being flawless."
"I'm never busy being anything. I can only be myself. This is who I am - I am not lying to you, or hiding anything."
She rolled her eyes, growing more frustrated. "Fine. Then, I can't stand that you don't make mistakes."
"I've made mistakes. I have never admitted to being perfect, I'm not."
"I make them all the time. I just made a huge one. I just want to feel like I'm not--" She winced at herself and turned to walk toward the door. "I'll see you in the morning."
"You are upset with me?"
Without turning around to look at him, she stopped, her head dropping for just a moment with a heavy sigh. "No, Oz. I'm upset with myself. Yet another all too human flaw."
"And why is that?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does. It matters to me."
She sighed. "Comfort. There's no comfort in talking about walking or falling or....whatever."
"I see. Very well, then."
"I appreciate everything you've done for me. Thank you for coming to get me, and thank you for escorting me home tomorrow."
"Yes, of course."
She resumed making her way to the door, waving a farewell to the bartender absently, and Oz watched her leave, a sad, distant look in his eyes.
10/12/2006
Midnite Tempest 10-3
Raene sat up with a low groan, clutching her head and whispering to herself, "Right. Can't drink the Irishman under the table."
She looked around carefully through squinting eyes, taking in her surroundings. Liam had brought her home despite her protests yesterday that she would find a place to stay in the village. She was in the guest room of the modest farmhouse that still felt very much like home even after years of being away.
She was aware of the moisture at the corners of her eyes before she was aware that she was crying, memories flooding back to her in a cacaphony of mingling images and even sounds - overwhelming her with the sheer emotion of it all. It had made sense, coming here to mourn another lover. Except this time, it wasn't the death of the lover. It was the death of hope. Hope for a different outcome. Hope that the curse could somehow be lifted or countered.
Ninety minutes later, she stepped out of the front door in jeans and a Metallica t-shirt at least three sizes too big for her - borrowed from Liam's closet at his wife's insistence - adjusting a pair of dark sunglasses against the glaring daylight. Before she'd finished pulling the door closed, she knew he was there a few feet behind her, and she closed her eyes, remaining there with the doorknob in hand, and shook her head. "No."
"No?"
"You're here to tell me to go back to him." Her voice was even, calm, in spite of the sudden urge to just run. She wouldn't run from him though. Something he knew.
"No, I'm not." The deep baritone of his voice was gentle, soothing.
Raene turned to face him for the first time, the dark glasses concealing the mixed pain and confusion in her eyes from view. "Alright. Then, why?"
"Because I am your friend. And I will stay here and be just that until you decide that you wish to go back home. Not back to Grant. He understands the decision you made. Do not forget the similarities that the two of you share."
"I was wrong, Oz. That's not home. It's just--" his words sank home, and suddenly she was irritated. "Well, who asked him to? Who asked anyone to understand?"
"No one ever needs to be asked to understand. Your people ask because you find it hard to understand."
"I don't find it hard to understand. I find it hard to accept. I didn't ask not to die in that car, and I didn't ask to fall in love with Grant Miller."
"But you did."
"And a good hundred other things between those two events."
"You will never go back to Paragon?"
"I'm not what you said I was, Oz. I can't...I can't heal anything or help anyone - especially anyone I give a damn about. I just ruin everything I touch." She moved to sit down heavily on a small bench set near the door, shaking her head. "I always have."
Oz stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Do you want to know something?"
"Sure. Tell me something, please."
"I, like Vincent, have seen the many paths laid before Grant Miller. Nearly all of them ending in some type of tragedy. His fate, the vision he experienced was pre-ordained before you and him came to be. Do you know why he glimpsed that vision?"
"To drive him away from me? because that's what it did." She was reacting with bitterness, and she knew it.
"No."
"To prove that one of us was going to hurt the other just for loving each other."
"Raene," Oz continued, ever patient, ever the friend and guide he'd always been to her. "Grant was not supposed to know of his fate. The Weavers have wanted him gone for a long time, but he has somehow managed to evade them. This was to be his end, and he was not to know it. It was because of you that he was made aware. Grant now has the one tool that he needs to change the future."
He paused a beat for emphasis. "Knowledge. Already, he is seeking to change his fate. By doing the one thing that he knows how to do."
Raene looked up at him. "I don't understand. What would I have to do with--- That makes no sense."
"It is because you possess the ability to heal, Raene. Beyond the scope of your own imagination. You were the catalyst. Without knowing it, the bond you two shared gave him the ability to change his fate, and yours."
She reflected on the meditation she had used to help Grant, even now feeling the echo of the peace that had washed over him that evening. "So, this all happened so that he could see that the weavers had it in for him?"
"Indeed. Though he doesn't quite realize that. All that he knows, is that his future will involve nothing but loss. Thus, he seeks to change it."
"How can he do that?"
"He fights, right now."
"Wait...he fights. Vincent said something about him fighting. What's going on right now?"
"He and his brother battle the Crey."
"What?" Raene was suddenly on her feet, looking down the tiny, winding dirt road that eventually led to the village nearby. "Where?"
"That I do not know. But he will not fail."
She turned to give him a disbelieving look. "You know everything. Where are they? I have to help him."
"No, you cannot help him. I'm not here to bring you back to him, Raene."
She glared at him for a moment, a retort on her lips that died away when she saw the resolution on his face.
"You made your choice when you decided to run to Ireland. The path has broken into two. Yours, and his. I am here to help you back onto yours. Grant is already on his."
She glanced skyward with an irritated sarcasm borne of the pain she's always been so good at keeping hidden. "Right. Did my job. Time to move on."
"I am sorry. Perhaps I've come at the wrong time."
Deflated, she returned to the bench, dropping unceremoniously back onto it. "Well, if you'd have waited an hour, I could've at least bought you a drink."
"Unfortunately, I can't benefit from the more enticing components of alcohol."
She sighed, wincing at herself and the bitterness she'd poured out at him. "I'm sorry, Oz. I don't want you to go."
"I didn't say that I was leaving. I told you that I would stay until you would be ready to return. I intend to keep my word."
"You just said-- Nevermind."
"Yes, I've come at the wrong time. That doesn't mean I'm going to leave."
"Let me know when the right one is, will you? I've had bad timing problems all my life. I actually thought I had it right this time."
"It wasn't timing, this time."
"You should see it through my eyes."
"This was going to happen, regardless. If anything, timing is the reason that both you and Grant Miller will continue to live on."
"That's also not such a great deal from my view. I've been living on borrowed time for way too long. And again, everyone I care about is either dead or out of reach."
"Really?" Oz looked at her, a flash of hurt in his expression for a moment, though concealed it expertly before Raene looked up at him.
"Except you," she began slowly. "I don't understand why you're here. Every time we fought, I just figured you came back because of what you said...about--" She stopped herself with a deep sigh, smirking. "I've been stupid again, haven't I?"
He closed his eyes, tilting his face toward the sky. "The last time that my Father and I spoke. He told me about my Mother. Throughout my upbringing, he would remind me of her better traits. Her kindness, her honesty, her intelligence. But when I was older, he told me about her fears. The fears she had while carrying me. Of losing me, passing away during pregnancy. Losing my father because he was a Gatebreaker. Several times, my Mother left my father. Using her career as a Journalist to carry her across the United States."
He opened his eyes and looked back to Raene. "He told me that he never regretted searching for her. And that the only regret that he ever had, was leaving her the one time that he did. Because when he did, my Mother was taken from us."
"It sounds like he loved her very much."
"Yes. They were soulbound."
"Where is your father now?"
Oz touched his heart, meeting her gaze. "Here."
She smiled warmly, nodding her understanding. She understood loss all too well and carried her own loved ones close to her heart.
"I am the last of my people."
"No, you're not," she told him softly. "There's a destiny for you in those countless possible futures that changes that."
"Perhaps."
"I've never met anyone so..." she trailed off, searching the air around them for the right word and becoming frustrated when it refused to present itself. "I don't know. Good? Stubborn?" She grinned, and then they both chuckled.
"Yes, I've been called that before."
"You? No!" Raene teased with mock surprise. "I just mean...if there's anyone who should be leaving progeny behind them in this world, it should be someone like you. Someone who is capable of making such a huge difference. Someone with a rich heritage and strong bloodline."
"I intend to carry on the legacy of my people. But right now, that is not what is most important to me."
"If you say me, I'm gonna hit you square in the chest. And..." She shook her head. "...it may not hurt you, but it'll probably kill my hand."
"Then you may as well get it over with," he replied, holding out his arms and waiting as she stood. She opened her fist as she reached him to bring the palm of her hand lightly against his chest, the dark lenses hiding the tears already brimming in her her eyes. He took her hand, pulling her into him regardless of any protest she might present, wrapping his arms around her as she squeezed her eyes shut tight to keep from breaking apart.
"I am here."
She leaned her cheek against his chest, clinging as dark-stained tears slipped from the corners of her eyes. "Why? I'm hopeless."
"No, on the contrary. You are filled with hope. It is whether or not you choose to acknowledge it."
"If I am, I don't know where I put it." She half-laughed, half-sobbed at herself. "All my life, I've been failing someone, somewhere, Oz. Rheinaullt. My parents. My sister. Grant. I'll just fail you too, you know."
"You will never fail me, Raene. You cannot."
"Have I ever told you that this unflagging confidence can be annoying?" She looked up at him with a smirk.
"Yes, I believe you have, actually. More than once, even. It's not like that's ever stopped me."
She laughed a little. "I believe that. So, you think you can out-stubborn me? I've been known to drown sorrows for a while, you know. Besides, if you're not leaving, why should I go back?"
"I know you will return. It's only a matter of time, and I am willing to wait. Paragon is your home, Raene."
"No, it's not, Oz. I tried to make it my home, yes, but look at how quickly I fucked that up. You're the only thing left there for me. I've never stayed so long in one place anyway. Now, I remember why."
"You have friends there, a family. You're quick to leave that all behind because of what's happened. But I won't let you. But even then. You mentioned it before. I am the last of my people, would that not make me truly alone? Yet I am going to forge a new destiny, carry on. Why should you not?"
"You're stronger than me."
"Wrong. I am as strong as those around me."
"So, standing here, you're now weak as a kitten. Cuz...people who live in this house?" She tipped her head to whisper conspiritorially. "They're drunks."
He chuckled. "I am strong because I am with you. I always have been."
"Oz...you were strong when I met you. Had nothing to do with me. In fact, if I remember correctly..." she added, teasing him again as she smiled warmly. "You kept storming off in a huff. I was so frustrated with you for that."
He shook his head, smirking. "Yes, I have no doubt that you were. You weren't the only one."
She took a step back, slipping a hand into his with a nod. "Yeah, but I was the cutest."
"If that is the word you would like to use, yes," he replied, grinning.
"Well, I'd go for sexiest, smartest, or most powerful," she laughed, "but with those traits, I have to lose out to Sabrina, Vincent, and Micaela."
"Again, that is all a matter of opinion. Now then, I believe you were on your way to a Pub, no? Why don't you introduce me to your friends?"
"Oh that should be fun..."
She looked around carefully through squinting eyes, taking in her surroundings. Liam had brought her home despite her protests yesterday that she would find a place to stay in the village. She was in the guest room of the modest farmhouse that still felt very much like home even after years of being away.
She was aware of the moisture at the corners of her eyes before she was aware that she was crying, memories flooding back to her in a cacaphony of mingling images and even sounds - overwhelming her with the sheer emotion of it all. It had made sense, coming here to mourn another lover. Except this time, it wasn't the death of the lover. It was the death of hope. Hope for a different outcome. Hope that the curse could somehow be lifted or countered.
Ninety minutes later, she stepped out of the front door in jeans and a Metallica t-shirt at least three sizes too big for her - borrowed from Liam's closet at his wife's insistence - adjusting a pair of dark sunglasses against the glaring daylight. Before she'd finished pulling the door closed, she knew he was there a few feet behind her, and she closed her eyes, remaining there with the doorknob in hand, and shook her head. "No."
"No?"
"You're here to tell me to go back to him." Her voice was even, calm, in spite of the sudden urge to just run. She wouldn't run from him though. Something he knew.
"No, I'm not." The deep baritone of his voice was gentle, soothing.
Raene turned to face him for the first time, the dark glasses concealing the mixed pain and confusion in her eyes from view. "Alright. Then, why?"
"Because I am your friend. And I will stay here and be just that until you decide that you wish to go back home. Not back to Grant. He understands the decision you made. Do not forget the similarities that the two of you share."
"I was wrong, Oz. That's not home. It's just--" his words sank home, and suddenly she was irritated. "Well, who asked him to? Who asked anyone to understand?"
"No one ever needs to be asked to understand. Your people ask because you find it hard to understand."
"I don't find it hard to understand. I find it hard to accept. I didn't ask not to die in that car, and I didn't ask to fall in love with Grant Miller."
"But you did."
"And a good hundred other things between those two events."
"You will never go back to Paragon?"
"I'm not what you said I was, Oz. I can't...I can't heal anything or help anyone - especially anyone I give a damn about. I just ruin everything I touch." She moved to sit down heavily on a small bench set near the door, shaking her head. "I always have."
Oz stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Do you want to know something?"
"Sure. Tell me something, please."
"I, like Vincent, have seen the many paths laid before Grant Miller. Nearly all of them ending in some type of tragedy. His fate, the vision he experienced was pre-ordained before you and him came to be. Do you know why he glimpsed that vision?"
"To drive him away from me? because that's what it did." She was reacting with bitterness, and she knew it.
"No."
"To prove that one of us was going to hurt the other just for loving each other."
"Raene," Oz continued, ever patient, ever the friend and guide he'd always been to her. "Grant was not supposed to know of his fate. The Weavers have wanted him gone for a long time, but he has somehow managed to evade them. This was to be his end, and he was not to know it. It was because of you that he was made aware. Grant now has the one tool that he needs to change the future."
He paused a beat for emphasis. "Knowledge. Already, he is seeking to change his fate. By doing the one thing that he knows how to do."
Raene looked up at him. "I don't understand. What would I have to do with--- That makes no sense."
"It is because you possess the ability to heal, Raene. Beyond the scope of your own imagination. You were the catalyst. Without knowing it, the bond you two shared gave him the ability to change his fate, and yours."
She reflected on the meditation she had used to help Grant, even now feeling the echo of the peace that had washed over him that evening. "So, this all happened so that he could see that the weavers had it in for him?"
"Indeed. Though he doesn't quite realize that. All that he knows, is that his future will involve nothing but loss. Thus, he seeks to change it."
"How can he do that?"
"He fights, right now."
"Wait...he fights. Vincent said something about him fighting. What's going on right now?"
"He and his brother battle the Crey."
"What?" Raene was suddenly on her feet, looking down the tiny, winding dirt road that eventually led to the village nearby. "Where?"
"That I do not know. But he will not fail."
She turned to give him a disbelieving look. "You know everything. Where are they? I have to help him."
"No, you cannot help him. I'm not here to bring you back to him, Raene."
She glared at him for a moment, a retort on her lips that died away when she saw the resolution on his face.
"You made your choice when you decided to run to Ireland. The path has broken into two. Yours, and his. I am here to help you back onto yours. Grant is already on his."
She glanced skyward with an irritated sarcasm borne of the pain she's always been so good at keeping hidden. "Right. Did my job. Time to move on."
"I am sorry. Perhaps I've come at the wrong time."
Deflated, she returned to the bench, dropping unceremoniously back onto it. "Well, if you'd have waited an hour, I could've at least bought you a drink."
"Unfortunately, I can't benefit from the more enticing components of alcohol."
She sighed, wincing at herself and the bitterness she'd poured out at him. "I'm sorry, Oz. I don't want you to go."
"I didn't say that I was leaving. I told you that I would stay until you would be ready to return. I intend to keep my word."
"You just said-- Nevermind."
"Yes, I've come at the wrong time. That doesn't mean I'm going to leave."
"Let me know when the right one is, will you? I've had bad timing problems all my life. I actually thought I had it right this time."
"It wasn't timing, this time."
"You should see it through my eyes."
"This was going to happen, regardless. If anything, timing is the reason that both you and Grant Miller will continue to live on."
"That's also not such a great deal from my view. I've been living on borrowed time for way too long. And again, everyone I care about is either dead or out of reach."
"Really?" Oz looked at her, a flash of hurt in his expression for a moment, though concealed it expertly before Raene looked up at him.
"Except you," she began slowly. "I don't understand why you're here. Every time we fought, I just figured you came back because of what you said...about--" She stopped herself with a deep sigh, smirking. "I've been stupid again, haven't I?"
He closed his eyes, tilting his face toward the sky. "The last time that my Father and I spoke. He told me about my Mother. Throughout my upbringing, he would remind me of her better traits. Her kindness, her honesty, her intelligence. But when I was older, he told me about her fears. The fears she had while carrying me. Of losing me, passing away during pregnancy. Losing my father because he was a Gatebreaker. Several times, my Mother left my father. Using her career as a Journalist to carry her across the United States."
He opened his eyes and looked back to Raene. "He told me that he never regretted searching for her. And that the only regret that he ever had, was leaving her the one time that he did. Because when he did, my Mother was taken from us."
"It sounds like he loved her very much."
"Yes. They were soulbound."
"Where is your father now?"
Oz touched his heart, meeting her gaze. "Here."
She smiled warmly, nodding her understanding. She understood loss all too well and carried her own loved ones close to her heart.
"I am the last of my people."
"No, you're not," she told him softly. "There's a destiny for you in those countless possible futures that changes that."
"Perhaps."
"I've never met anyone so..." she trailed off, searching the air around them for the right word and becoming frustrated when it refused to present itself. "I don't know. Good? Stubborn?" She grinned, and then they both chuckled.
"Yes, I've been called that before."
"You? No!" Raene teased with mock surprise. "I just mean...if there's anyone who should be leaving progeny behind them in this world, it should be someone like you. Someone who is capable of making such a huge difference. Someone with a rich heritage and strong bloodline."
"I intend to carry on the legacy of my people. But right now, that is not what is most important to me."
"If you say me, I'm gonna hit you square in the chest. And..." She shook her head. "...it may not hurt you, but it'll probably kill my hand."
"Then you may as well get it over with," he replied, holding out his arms and waiting as she stood. She opened her fist as she reached him to bring the palm of her hand lightly against his chest, the dark lenses hiding the tears already brimming in her her eyes. He took her hand, pulling her into him regardless of any protest she might present, wrapping his arms around her as she squeezed her eyes shut tight to keep from breaking apart.
"I am here."
She leaned her cheek against his chest, clinging as dark-stained tears slipped from the corners of her eyes. "Why? I'm hopeless."
"No, on the contrary. You are filled with hope. It is whether or not you choose to acknowledge it."
"If I am, I don't know where I put it." She half-laughed, half-sobbed at herself. "All my life, I've been failing someone, somewhere, Oz. Rheinaullt. My parents. My sister. Grant. I'll just fail you too, you know."
"You will never fail me, Raene. You cannot."
"Have I ever told you that this unflagging confidence can be annoying?" She looked up at him with a smirk.
"Yes, I believe you have, actually. More than once, even. It's not like that's ever stopped me."
She laughed a little. "I believe that. So, you think you can out-stubborn me? I've been known to drown sorrows for a while, you know. Besides, if you're not leaving, why should I go back?"
"I know you will return. It's only a matter of time, and I am willing to wait. Paragon is your home, Raene."
"No, it's not, Oz. I tried to make it my home, yes, but look at how quickly I fucked that up. You're the only thing left there for me. I've never stayed so long in one place anyway. Now, I remember why."
"You have friends there, a family. You're quick to leave that all behind because of what's happened. But I won't let you. But even then. You mentioned it before. I am the last of my people, would that not make me truly alone? Yet I am going to forge a new destiny, carry on. Why should you not?"
"You're stronger than me."
"Wrong. I am as strong as those around me."
"So, standing here, you're now weak as a kitten. Cuz...people who live in this house?" She tipped her head to whisper conspiritorially. "They're drunks."
He chuckled. "I am strong because I am with you. I always have been."
"Oz...you were strong when I met you. Had nothing to do with me. In fact, if I remember correctly..." she added, teasing him again as she smiled warmly. "You kept storming off in a huff. I was so frustrated with you for that."
He shook his head, smirking. "Yes, I have no doubt that you were. You weren't the only one."
She took a step back, slipping a hand into his with a nod. "Yeah, but I was the cutest."
"If that is the word you would like to use, yes," he replied, grinning.
"Well, I'd go for sexiest, smartest, or most powerful," she laughed, "but with those traits, I have to lose out to Sabrina, Vincent, and Micaela."
"Again, that is all a matter of opinion. Now then, I believe you were on your way to a Pub, no? Why don't you introduce me to your friends?"
"Oh that should be fun..."
10/11/2006
10/03/2006
Midnite Tempest
Frustration. Fear. Uncertainty.
Rheinallt's face. Why was she seeing his face so clearly every time she closed her eyes?
Raene couldn't force the image from her mind, and she fell out of the meditative position she'd been sitting in on the mat in the center of her living room, laying back with an exhausted sigh.
"Three days, Raene. Work it out or sleep, damnit."
Try not to end up dead like the others.
She growled at the unbidden memory of her ex-friend's warning, frustrated. "Shut up, Riley! Just...fuck off!"
It had been more than a dream. She was sure of it now. Grant was different - distant - ever since that night, it was like he was holding her at arm's length. She hadn't even seen him today, though they'd spoken on the phone briefly. Plans for tomorrow. Dinner.
Her frustration growing, she sat up with a rocking motion that took her to her feet in a smooth arc of motion that was graceful and swift, her momentum sending her toward the window and quickly out of it into the night. She was sure of where he'd gone that night, but until now, she'd respected his need to work things out for himself - one of the many traits they had in common. Pushing was bad. Letting him work things out and come to her was good. The master is the calm in the storm, yadda yadda, and why didn't the Tao have anything useful when it came to dead lovers intruding on your life?
Raene just couldn't wait any longer with the uncertainty hanging over her head like the sword of Damocles. It was a lesser betrayal in her eyes than allowing him to face whatever was coming to him alone. Now, she just had to convince someone else of that...
She leapt to the balcony of the tower, but before she could lean against the rail to debate interfering one more time, a familiar voice sounded like a gentle knock at the door of her mind. I'm downstairs, Raene. Use the front door.
She smirked knowingly with an amused chuckle to herself, and leapt down to the ground to find the front door standing open. She found him in the foyer where he'd been meditating just as he was adding a gentle admonition. Quiet, please. My wife is sleeping. She has been scrying for the better part of today, and is exhausted.
Nodding, she moved to sit opposite the mage with a curious expression, always feeling oddly comforted in this repository of great mysticism and knowledge. He spoke casually with a warm smile, his gaze coming to rest on Raene once she was settled. "This is quite the surprise at... Three O'clock in the morning. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Without missing a beat, Raene smirked in her smart, playful way. "I couldn't sleep and I was in the neighborhood, saw the lights on... Isn't that always the way these things happen?"
"Yes, many people find themselves at my home at odd hours of the day because they were "in the neighborhood."
Like Grant. Vincent knew exactly why she was here. "Well, actually, I only live a few blocks away..."
He nodded. "I know. I also know that you're here for something."
"Okay, yeah--"
"You're troubled."
She hesitated and cocked her head to the side. "You already know why I'm here."
"Yes, and you should know that I cannot show you what I've shown him."
"Well...I knew you might say that, yes...but...you see, there's more to it than just what he might know. I think it's about me, and I think that gives me some right to know, don't you?"
"It was his vision."
"How accurate was it?" she chanced, hoping that an indirect approach might give her something to go on.
Vincent sighed. "Raene..."
She nodded as though he'd just answered her question. "That's what I thought. Show me. Please."
"I cannot. There are things that you do not understand. I know what will happen if I show it to you."
"He's not the only one that has a dark cloud over his head where ever he goes."
"You do not understand my place in this."
"What's going to happen? Vince, I need to know what's haunting him. I know...I've known something has..." She let out a frustrated sigh.
"Yes, he's had a vision. He came to me, wanting me to reveal it further, to clear the fog that accompanies most dreams. What he glimpsed, was truth. A future that is possible."
"Okay. So what happens if you tell me? Wouldn't it be better if--"
"You will run."
Raene's voice failed her, and she stared at him, incredulous, shaking her head slowly. She'd promised herself she was through running.
"I've glimpsed the future in all of its infinite possibilities, Raene."
"The only way I'd run from this is if he were going to..." she began shakily before asserting control over the fears now rampant in her mind. "No. No, he's fine."
Saddened by his own words, Vince continued. "You are both upsetting the balance."
It sounded as though someone else was talking, registering another weak protest. "I love him."
"He loves you. Never doubt that."
"What balance?" She was trying desparately now to keep up with the conversation. Where a few moments ago, she was capable of keeping up even with the sometimes cryptic archmage before her, she was now barely able to keep the swirling tempest in her mind from drowning the rest out. It was the curse. Hers. His. Did it even matter anymore? He was talking about balance, and next, he'd say something about fate, and she would die inside again. She knew it.
Vincent sighed, standing and walking to a window to gaze out into the night. "The balance that keeps all existence in a circle."
"How are we upsetting the balance? We're just two people."
"There is such thing as Fate, Raene. I know this, because I've spoken with the individuals that weave the intricate patterns that make up the lives of all individuals. But, in rare instances, individuals deny their fate, transcending Law itself. You are that case. Grant Miller is that case." Lovingly, Vincent added with a whisper, "My wife... Is that case."
"And...this is a problem? How do you know he and I aren't meant to be," she threw out defiantly.
"To those that wield the power to determine how one's life will turn out, yes. I never said you and Grant aren't meant to be. As I said before, there are millions of futures I've seen."
"We cancelled each other's curses out," she continued insistently, suddenly knowing that it wasn't Vincent that she was trying to convince. It was herself.
"I know this, Raene. You do not think that I've seen a future in which you both are happy? I've glimpsed a future in which I witnessed the birth of your child, my dear."
"Well, then, which is the truth? Whatever his vision was or that?"
"Both are truth."
She threw up her hands with an irritated groan. "I don't understand. What did he see? Why would it make me run?"
"He glimpsed a future in which all that he loved was no more..."
Her breath caught in her throat, and she stared at him, unmoving, unwilling to process what he was telling her.
"He glimpsed a future in which he finally gave in to the thirst for Vengeance that he has constantly fought since his death and rebirth at the hands of the Countess. A future in which his friends became his enemies, and he died at your grave site. That is what he glimpsed."
Her voice was distant in her ears again, hoarse, unbelieving. "No."
"It pains me now to tell you this, as I know what you will do. And I know what I have set in motion."
Reality was becoming a blur again as the tempest of thought assaulted her senses fully, and she stood suddenly to turn on heel to face him, shaking her head. "No...you're wrong. Th-that can't happen. It wouldn't."
"Raene, there are millions of possibilities. If I were to show them all to you... You would not be able to conceive them."
She fought to keep her voice steady. "How possible is this one? Really." Tears began to fill her eyes, denial in her tone. "He wouldn't DO that!"
"Listen to me! Grant knows of this fate, that was not supposed to happen. How he was fortunate enough to glimpse his future, I will never know, but he did. He has the tools to change his fate. And yours. You do not think that he will try? It is always been Grant's will to fight."
"And trying could produce the same results, right? Isn't that the way this mystic bullshit works! Do something and it might happen. Don't do something and it might happen." She was losing what little control she'd had left over the rising bile of fear and anxiety that threatened to overwhelm her.
"And that is why I did not want you to know, Raene."
"I'm so sick of fate and how screwed it makes everything! You tell your friends I hate them! I hate the way fate and destiny fucks with everything! Especially MY damn life!" She turned and stormed out, tears brimming in her eyes as she leapt into the night.
"Raene!"
Rheinallt's face. Why was she seeing his face so clearly every time she closed her eyes?
Raene couldn't force the image from her mind, and she fell out of the meditative position she'd been sitting in on the mat in the center of her living room, laying back with an exhausted sigh.
"Three days, Raene. Work it out or sleep, damnit."
Try not to end up dead like the others.
She growled at the unbidden memory of her ex-friend's warning, frustrated. "Shut up, Riley! Just...fuck off!"
It had been more than a dream. She was sure of it now. Grant was different - distant - ever since that night, it was like he was holding her at arm's length. She hadn't even seen him today, though they'd spoken on the phone briefly. Plans for tomorrow. Dinner.
Her frustration growing, she sat up with a rocking motion that took her to her feet in a smooth arc of motion that was graceful and swift, her momentum sending her toward the window and quickly out of it into the night. She was sure of where he'd gone that night, but until now, she'd respected his need to work things out for himself - one of the many traits they had in common. Pushing was bad. Letting him work things out and come to her was good. The master is the calm in the storm, yadda yadda, and why didn't the Tao have anything useful when it came to dead lovers intruding on your life?
Raene just couldn't wait any longer with the uncertainty hanging over her head like the sword of Damocles. It was a lesser betrayal in her eyes than allowing him to face whatever was coming to him alone. Now, she just had to convince someone else of that...
She leapt to the balcony of the tower, but before she could lean against the rail to debate interfering one more time, a familiar voice sounded like a gentle knock at the door of her mind. I'm downstairs, Raene. Use the front door.
She smirked knowingly with an amused chuckle to herself, and leapt down to the ground to find the front door standing open. She found him in the foyer where he'd been meditating just as he was adding a gentle admonition. Quiet, please. My wife is sleeping. She has been scrying for the better part of today, and is exhausted.
Nodding, she moved to sit opposite the mage with a curious expression, always feeling oddly comforted in this repository of great mysticism and knowledge. He spoke casually with a warm smile, his gaze coming to rest on Raene once she was settled. "This is quite the surprise at... Three O'clock in the morning. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Without missing a beat, Raene smirked in her smart, playful way. "I couldn't sleep and I was in the neighborhood, saw the lights on... Isn't that always the way these things happen?"
"Yes, many people find themselves at my home at odd hours of the day because they were "in the neighborhood."
Like Grant. Vincent knew exactly why she was here. "Well, actually, I only live a few blocks away..."
He nodded. "I know. I also know that you're here for something."
"Okay, yeah--"
"You're troubled."
She hesitated and cocked her head to the side. "You already know why I'm here."
"Yes, and you should know that I cannot show you what I've shown him."
"Well...I knew you might say that, yes...but...you see, there's more to it than just what he might know. I think it's about me, and I think that gives me some right to know, don't you?"
"It was his vision."
"How accurate was it?" she chanced, hoping that an indirect approach might give her something to go on.
Vincent sighed. "Raene..."
She nodded as though he'd just answered her question. "That's what I thought. Show me. Please."
"I cannot. There are things that you do not understand. I know what will happen if I show it to you."
"He's not the only one that has a dark cloud over his head where ever he goes."
"You do not understand my place in this."
"What's going to happen? Vince, I need to know what's haunting him. I know...I've known something has..." She let out a frustrated sigh.
"Yes, he's had a vision. He came to me, wanting me to reveal it further, to clear the fog that accompanies most dreams. What he glimpsed, was truth. A future that is possible."
"Okay. So what happens if you tell me? Wouldn't it be better if--"
"You will run."
Raene's voice failed her, and she stared at him, incredulous, shaking her head slowly. She'd promised herself she was through running.
"I've glimpsed the future in all of its infinite possibilities, Raene."
"The only way I'd run from this is if he were going to..." she began shakily before asserting control over the fears now rampant in her mind. "No. No, he's fine."
Saddened by his own words, Vince continued. "You are both upsetting the balance."
It sounded as though someone else was talking, registering another weak protest. "I love him."
"He loves you. Never doubt that."
"What balance?" She was trying desparately now to keep up with the conversation. Where a few moments ago, she was capable of keeping up even with the sometimes cryptic archmage before her, she was now barely able to keep the swirling tempest in her mind from drowning the rest out. It was the curse. Hers. His. Did it even matter anymore? He was talking about balance, and next, he'd say something about fate, and she would die inside again. She knew it.
Vincent sighed, standing and walking to a window to gaze out into the night. "The balance that keeps all existence in a circle."
"How are we upsetting the balance? We're just two people."
"There is such thing as Fate, Raene. I know this, because I've spoken with the individuals that weave the intricate patterns that make up the lives of all individuals. But, in rare instances, individuals deny their fate, transcending Law itself. You are that case. Grant Miller is that case." Lovingly, Vincent added with a whisper, "My wife... Is that case."
"And...this is a problem? How do you know he and I aren't meant to be," she threw out defiantly.
"To those that wield the power to determine how one's life will turn out, yes. I never said you and Grant aren't meant to be. As I said before, there are millions of futures I've seen."
"We cancelled each other's curses out," she continued insistently, suddenly knowing that it wasn't Vincent that she was trying to convince. It was herself.
"I know this, Raene. You do not think that I've seen a future in which you both are happy? I've glimpsed a future in which I witnessed the birth of your child, my dear."
"Well, then, which is the truth? Whatever his vision was or that?"
"Both are truth."
She threw up her hands with an irritated groan. "I don't understand. What did he see? Why would it make me run?"
"He glimpsed a future in which all that he loved was no more..."
Her breath caught in her throat, and she stared at him, unmoving, unwilling to process what he was telling her.
"He glimpsed a future in which he finally gave in to the thirst for Vengeance that he has constantly fought since his death and rebirth at the hands of the Countess. A future in which his friends became his enemies, and he died at your grave site. That is what he glimpsed."
Her voice was distant in her ears again, hoarse, unbelieving. "No."
"It pains me now to tell you this, as I know what you will do. And I know what I have set in motion."
Reality was becoming a blur again as the tempest of thought assaulted her senses fully, and she stood suddenly to turn on heel to face him, shaking her head. "No...you're wrong. Th-that can't happen. It wouldn't."
"Raene, there are millions of possibilities. If I were to show them all to you... You would not be able to conceive them."
She fought to keep her voice steady. "How possible is this one? Really." Tears began to fill her eyes, denial in her tone. "He wouldn't DO that!"
"Listen to me! Grant knows of this fate, that was not supposed to happen. How he was fortunate enough to glimpse his future, I will never know, but he did. He has the tools to change his fate. And yours. You do not think that he will try? It is always been Grant's will to fight."
"And trying could produce the same results, right? Isn't that the way this mystic bullshit works! Do something and it might happen. Don't do something and it might happen." She was losing what little control she'd had left over the rising bile of fear and anxiety that threatened to overwhelm her.
"And that is why I did not want you to know, Raene."
"I'm so sick of fate and how screwed it makes everything! You tell your friends I hate them! I hate the way fate and destiny fucks with everything! Especially MY damn life!" She turned and stormed out, tears brimming in her eyes as she leapt into the night.
"Raene!"
6/24/2006
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