Somewhere on the Outer Rim

Jheryth Chrystopher made his way into the cantina his contact had given him the name and location of. He looked at the few patrons and the bartender, and then down at his own clothes. He sighed and strode to the bar, “I am looking for Captain Vedeti.”

The hulking Gen'dai bartender just shrugged his shoulders, never bothering to look up from the mug he was cleaning.

Jheryth furrowed his brow in frustration, “What do you mean you don't know?”

The bartender looked up at Jheryth, barking out a language that seemed more like grunts and gibberish.

“I have no idea what that means, but I was supposed to meet him here. Do you know where he is or not?”

The bartender just gave a hearty laugh, continuing to laugh as he finished cleaning the mug, setting it upside down on a dowel rod, next to a few other mugs that looked just as 'clean'.

“Fine. Get me a brandy then.”

The bartender looked up, then started to laugh even harder than before.

Jheryth growled, taking a seat on one of the stools, “Ok, ok. Get me anything to drink then.”

The bartender picked up the same glass he had just finished wiping down, and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from a shelf and set them both on the counter. Jheryth reached into his pocket and pulled out an emerald sliver, letting it drop into the waiting palm of the bartender. Jheryth had no sooner opened the bottle and started to pour himself a drink when he felt three figures surrounding him. He placed the bottle down calmly and took a sip from the glass, grimacing with the sting.

“HEY! I'm talking to you! We don't need your kind here, outsider!”

Jheryth shifted slightly, placing his feet firmly on the floor, setting the mug down.

“We don't want anyone else mucking around with Captain Vedeti. You need to shuttle your as...”

Jheryth used the leverage of the bar to spring up, throwing his elbow into the face of the man with the big mouth, using his momentum to thrust his knee into the gut of a wiry human too stunned to react. As the wiry man started to double over, Jheryth dodged backward, narrowly avoiding a wild swing from a huge arm. Jheryth caught the arm, pulling a mammoth of a man off balance, placing a hand on the back of his massive neck and slammed his head into the one that was doubled over. He looked down at the three unconscious men, dusted off his well-tailored armor, and sat back down, using his boot to push away one of the men from the leg of the stool. He was just about to take another drink when he heard the door open.

Jheryth turned around to watch a female Cathar walk across the cantina to the bar, greeting the bartender like an old friend. His time in Alderaan court told him that her flowing trench coat and leather attire were well-made, reinforced, and fashionable. Even the shine on her riding boots would impress the most critical Imperial Commander.

“Grunthar! I hope business is better than your whiskey.”

The bartender greeted her with a toothy grin, “Ho Captain Vedeti.” He spoke a few words to her in that gutteral language and then hooked a thumb in Jheryth's direction.

Captain Vedeti looked over at Jheryth, giving him a critical once over, her brow arched in curiosity, “I hear you are looking for me?”

As the Cathar turned to address him, Jheryth could see the handle of a sword draped across her hip, secured in a leather scabbard. He flicked his eyes back up to her, “You are Captain Vedeti?”

She smirked, “ I know who I am better than you do, and since you obviously have no idea what I'm supposed to look like, I guess you'll have to take my word for it. What do you want?”

“My contact gave me the impression that you were male. Regardless, I understand that you have an interesting business venture, and I would like to offer my services.”

She looked at him, down to the three men on the floor now beginning to stir, and then back up to Jheryth, “You were misinformed. My crew is full. I don't need you.”

“They took offense to my asking about you. I hope they were not part of this crew of yours.”

Before she could answer, the cantina door opened, a half-dozen more thugs piled in, leering at her, some with nets, others with stun batons. The three men that were starting to groan on the floor, scrambled to their feet, pulling out their own batons, scowling at Jheryth, but squaring their shoulders towards Vedeti.

As the group with batons descended on her, she manged to deflect a few swings before one of them landed a blow to her face, sending her reeling backwards into the bar, next to Jheryth.

She leaned against the bar, breathing heavily as she turned to him, “A little help would be nice.”

Jheryth picked up his glass, raising it to her in a toast, “Don't block with your face.”

She scoffed and then looked down at the bottle, “May I?”

Jheryth motioned to the bottle in assent as he took another sip.

She picked up the bottle and swung it around in time to break it against the head of the first ruffian to lunge at her. She managed to disable a few more before a man and woman in armor walked in. The man called a halt. He was well-built, calm in demeanor, and exuding a commanding presence. The woman held all of Jheryth's attention. She was every bit as tall and built as he was, flowing blond hair falling across gleaming armor, large vibrosword strapped to her back, and a wild hunger in her eyes.

Vedeti motioned to the man that entered, glancing over at Jheryth, “To answer your last question, the trash belongs to him.”

The man looked around at the gathering, taking a moment to tilt his head in thought as he regarded Jheryth, then smiled to Vedeti, “Why make all this fuss? You know I'm taking you with me, why make it any harder?”

Vedeti motioned to the woman, “Aww, and your sister was just telling me the other day how you like it rough.”

The man held an arm out to block the blond from rushing forward as Vedeti drew her sword, turning to Jheryth, “Help me out and I'll reconsider your offer.”

Jheryth watched the man punch something into his wristband, and two more armored soldiers entered the cantina, making it an even dozen against the lone Cathar. He stood up, unhooking the lightsaber from his belt.

“That's an awful lot of muscle to capture one girl.”

Vedeti scoffed again, talking out of the corner of her mouth, keeping an eye on the threat before her, “Remind me to be insulted about that later.”

“The Outsider doesn't matter, but Vedeti is taken alive. ENGAGE!”

The two soldiers rushed forward with staffs drawn as the assembled crowd converged on them. Jheryth kept an eye on Vedeti, noting that she handled herself very well. She was just as good with her sword as she was with her mouth. As Jheryth ducked a staff, she rolled over his back, forcing him to react quickly to a baton he otherwise would not have had to worry about. Jheryth thrust his lightsaber through the midsection of one of the soldiers, giving the soldier a nod of respect before he let him fall, narrowly dodging a swing from Vedeti's blade as she took down two of the ruffians with that very swing.

Jheryth watched the blonde draw her blade, licking her lips as she made her way towards Jheryth. Vedeti tried to move to cut her off, but the woman grabbed one of the ruffians and shoved him at Vedeti, cutting her off instead.

As Jheryth's lightsaber greeted her swing, their eyes locked.

Her technique was exceptional, matching swing and parry. She continued to maneuver him away from Vedeti, keeping him isolated. As sword and lighsaber locked again, she pulled Jherth against her, blades close to each others necks, and she kissed him, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood and then jumped away from him. She gave him a satisfied smile and made her way toward the door, the commander following her out.

A few minutes later, Vedeti spun on Jheryth, her sword raised, still breathing hard, finding no one left standing but him.

She lowered her sword, “You lived.”

“I am annoying that way. I guess that means you'll still have to take me along.”

She took a step backwards toward the door, “Oh yeah. I did think about it. I'm still not hiring you.”

Jheryth glowered, “You have got to be joking. I just saved your ass!”

Vedeti started walking backward across the cantina, “And you did that without securing a payment, which makes you gullible,” She waved her sword up and down, “Plus, your clothing.”

He narrowed his eyes at her, “What about my clothing?”

“You're vain, overly defensive, and I don't hire Sith.”

“I am not SITH!”

She pointed her sword at him, “See? That right there. Defensive.” She was at the door now, “See you in the Hyper-lanes, Blondie.”

Jheryth stared at the door in disbelief for a few moments, and then started to stride after her. He had gotten half way there when a strong hand grabbed his arm, bringing him up short. He turned to look up at the bartender, who was keeping a very firm grip, “You no leave. You pay.”

Jheryth looked around at the destruction left by the fight, and then back up at the bartender. He reached into his belt and pulled out a velvet pouch, thrusting it in the awaiting hand of the bartender, “At least get some decent drinks in here.” As the bartender let go, Jheryth rushed out the door.

Chandrila

Starbreaker Estate, about 3am...

The peace is shattered by a scream of terror in the dark.

Immediately awake, Varr'o Starbreaker fights the thrashing arms and legs of the little blue-haired woman in bed beside him to force her into an embrace, whispering words of comfort, urging her to wake up, reassuring her that she is dreaming, worrying for her more than ever before. It's impressive how hard the diminutive spacer manages to kick as she screams incoherently, but he holds her tight against his chest, letting her fight her way back to consciousness, reminding her that she is safe with him, that he loves her. Slowly, her  struggles slow until she collapses against his chest, sobbing as he rocks her in his arms, swearing to her that he will protect her no matter what.

This isn't the first night he has walked her through her night terrors. However, it is the first time her voice, hushed and hoarse from crying, will sound in the dark. "I hate him."

"Who were you seeing Kel?  The man who attacked you, or your father?"  He continues to hug her to him, his protective arms around her as he kisses the top of her head.  "Or both?"

"My father," she answers in that same quiet hush as though talking any louder might summon his actual ghost.

Then, she does something she never really has before. She talks about him. Stranger still, not one trace of her accent or butchered grammar is present. "After my mother died, he locked himself in his room for almost a month, and we were all so worried for him. Then, one day, he came downstairs to breakfast like it was any normal day. He seemed like he maybe was alright, you know?

"Then, that night, he tucked me in like he used to. He even kissed my nose like he did when I was little, and I laughed for the first time since my mother had died."

Varr'o moves one hand to hers, lacing their fingers together as she speaks.  Listening to her story, he doesn't interrupt, doesn't question, just lets her get through what she needs to.

She remains uncharacteristically still, her head resting on his chest where he'd been holding her during her thrashing, grateful for the darkness that conceals her face as tears continue to flow silently from her dark brown eyes. "That's what did it, I think. I think it was because I laughed. Suddenly, he was so angry, and he was hitting me, calling me names, saying things that I think he thought he was saying to her about using him and leaving him."

"He was mad at her for dying?"  Varr'o shakes his head and kisses hers again, giving her another hug.

"I think so?" A beat of silence. "I think I would be mad at you for dying."

"Yeah, I'd probably be mad at you for it too."  He leans around so that he can kiss her cheek, and feeling the wetness he brings his hand up to wipe away any tears.

"If you died, I'd be so mad at you, because I'd want to be dead too. I think that's why he was mad."

"I wish he'd have killed himself, rather than taking his anger out on you.  I know I shouldn't say that, but I just...I wish I could have saved you."

"I think you did."

"Well, I wish I could have done it sooner."

"I want to get married again, but this time, I don't want it to be a secret, and I don't want mistresses or boyfriends or any of those things to be okay. I just want it to be you and me, and I want you to quit the army and co-captain the Starchaser." It seems to her mind that she says this all in a rush, but Varr'o hears a calm, measured certainty in her tone that is wholly new.

For the first time in her life, Kel'ri is trusting him enough to tell him what she - Kel'ri, not Blue - really and truly wants, and a tremor ripples through her in the moment after as she fights the urge to brace herself against a negative reaction or take it all back before he can reject her.

“Okay.  I can do all that.  That’s what I wanted from the start you know?”  He agrees easily, hugging her as he does. “It seemed like that’s what you wanted when we were here the first time, but when we got back, it all seemed to just...fall back to what it was before we ever got married.”

"I think I was scared. When we got back to Carrick, everyone seemed to look at me like I was supposed to be Blue, so I was Blue." She takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I don't want to be Blue anymore."

“I want you to be you.  Not what you think I want, or anyone else wants.  I want you to be Kel’ri, the Kel’ri that you want to be.”

"Will you help me?"

“However I can.”

"Swear?"

“On my life.”

(( The journey Kel'ri has been on since her inception has been an amazing experience, and I want to thank everyone who has ever RP'd with her for helping shape that journey. I hope the next chapter is as phenomenal as the first.
Above all, I want to thank Derek for his infinite patience with me for the way I dither with her, constantly question where to take her, how to grow her, etc. 
She's one of my most favorite characters ever, and that's because of all of you. ))

Taking it slow

Aittera sat at the small dining table with a datapad in hand, trying to focus on the information scrolling across the screen with little luck. She had gone to meet her contact for a new job and found an old friend - Jean Schramme - looking much better than the last time she'd seen him. He had a new contract, a new girl, and even a new eye (the last thanks to some wonder drug); and he seemed so much more the confident, strong man she had first met a year or two before. 

And then, she had watched one of the few people in the universe that she had true respect for lose whatever respect he'd had for her in return. It was nowhere near as crushing an experience as when it had been Selus, but it still struck a damn nerve. 

She'd confided in him about Kol. Not everything, of course, but enough to bring the same kind of reaction she would have had were the circumstances reversed. She wondered how she could even imagine she really knew what she was doing. The pragmatist in her screamed every reason that she had for calling everything off while another part of her - one she thought had died a long time ago - fought back every one with 'But I need this. I want this.'

The door chime sounded, and she looked up from the datapad as Kol - his armor discarded for a simpler set of black robes - stepped into the flat and smiled at her. The pragmatist fell silent at the sight of that smile, and the other? The other rejoiced. This simply just had to work. She needed him. She wanted him. 

Aittera frowned thoughtfully as her eyes drifted down over his clothing. "We're going to need to go shopping. I need you to look like you belong on a supply freighter."

He walked over to the table to take a seat beside her. "You mean you're going to scum me up?"  

Putting his feet up on one of the other chairs, he looked over at her. "I guess I can live with that.  As long as I'm wearing clothes, I don't want to look like one of those idiots that run around with just a trenchcoat on with no shirt.  It's one thing for a girl to do - it's sexy, and you wear yours oh-so-well - but a guy?"  He made a face.

For a moment, she just...stared at him blankly; and then, suddenly, Aittera was laughing so candidly, it was like watching a complete transformation from hard-hearted smuggler to simply beautiful woman. "No trenchcoat. Check. How about a jacket you can hide your lightsaber in?"

"I could go for that.  Guess wearing it on my hip would be a giveaway, better to go with a blaster."  Kol looked over at her with a playfully devious grin. "I could also not wear any weapons and look like either a complete fool, or a total badass."

"We'll put a blaster on your hip. Only right if we're scumming you up." She set the datapad down and leaned over to give him a warm, tender kiss. It was so natural and easy, it felt like something she had done for her entire life. "So...the rest of your life is on hold now?"

"Not quite.  I've called in someone to support my apprentice during her time running the Avenger, I don't want her to feel like she has no one watching her back while I am away.  I've made most of the other arrangements though.  I will have Khor relay a message to his mother, rather than make the trip back to Kaas."

"I met with the coordinator for this job. We'll have official paperwork to make it look like what we're doing is legal, but the Cartel is known for conducting random searches. If that happens, we'll have to play the part, so for purposes of this trip, we're partners that have worked together for a couple of years. We'll figure out an alias for you."

"So I shouldn't just off them if they try to search us?"

"Definitely not. Especially on our first run. The government-in-exile is staging a rebellion, and if we tip their hand, they're going to have a much worse time of it," she explained in case he wasn't joking. "On top of that, my reputation will be kriffed, so let's try not to do that."

Kol sighed. "Fine, no killing.  Unless they're searching the ship and one of them looks at you like he wants to bend you over.  Then I'll have to 'slip' and break their neck.  Deal?"

Aittera smirked, answering with a firm, "No. If I can charm us out of trouble, settle for dirty looks. We're trying not to draw any attention, not get detained for killing a customs official."

He frowned for a moment before his lips curled into a charming grin. "I suppose I'll have to settle for making you scream for me during this trip."

A touch of color brightened her cheeks, and she stood to move nearer to him, leaning her ass on the edge of the table. "I think that's a fair trade. In the meantime, you can take me to dinner, and we can talk about what wasn't in the intel we poured over while we were trying to---well, while I was trying to kill you, and you were..."

Kol reached for her hands, using them to pull her down across his lap. "Resisting your efforts brilliantly?"

"I was going to say trying to drive me insane, but let's go with that. Makes me sound a lot more formidable and not at all like a gnat trying to kill a fly-swatter."

"I am rather good at swatting things.  I could flip you over my lap and demonstrate if you would like?"

Aittera gave him a playfully scandalized look. "No! Dinner and...talking. Talking!" 

Grinning, she leaned in to kiss him, raising a hand to cup his cheek with her palm. Once again, everything in the moment felt right...easy - so much so that she forgot to worry about all of the very bad ways this budding romance could go, and she melted against him like she had in so many of those dreams.

(( Added to Aittera and the Dark Lord ))

The Deal

(( I generally tend to say that I'm only as good an RP'er as those I RP with. In this case, I can only strive to be as good as the RP'er I have the privilege to RP with. The player behind Ragious continues to make this story so much fun, and I'm excited to say we're just getting started. ))

As Aittera keyed the lock and swung the door to her flat open, she was remarkably calm in spite of the storm that raged in her thoughts. The cozy little living space within was warm and inviting with its new furniture; a dark blue couch and armchair set in one corner, and a tiny dining table with two chairs nearer the kitchen. It had that homey, comforting effect for her even though it was still so new, and it already felt like hers.

Leaving Kol to make himself comfortable, she ducked into the tiny kitchen to retrieve two glasses and a fresh bottle of Whyren's while she asked herself one more time what she thought she was doing. There was a Sith Darth out there in her living room, and for all appearances, this was some kind of precursor to a date as though they were just two ordinary people.

Kol made his way over to the armchair, settling down as he watched her enter her kitchen area.  He had left his gloves off from when he had removed them on the promenade, and found himself fighting the urge to wring his hands as he waited.  It was something about her.  He'd never been awkward in social situations before. In fact, they had always brought out his commanding presence.  But this was something else, and he both hated and was fascinated by the effect that Aittera Timm had on him.

When she emerged from the kitchen, her own gloves were gone, and her fingertips brushed his own as she handed him one of the glasses. Normally, she would never stand on ceremony like this - filling each glass from the bottle and setting it aside before taking a seat on the end of the couch nearest his chair. She'd be drinking from the bottle in a mad race to get to the bottom. Yet, here she was, entertaining just as Selus had pointed out that she could do, drawing to mind a distant recollection of the way her parents would sit down at the end of the day to share everything that had happened since they'd kissed goodbye that morning.

"I'm not really sure where this can go," she admits honestly. "Nothing about either of our lives really seems to fit the other."

"It'll go as far as we take it.  As far as we fight to take it."  He smiled over at her and raised the glass to her before taking a drink from it.  His entire life, pretty much every moment was a battle of some sort, and he knew this would be no different.  "I don't think either of us would know what to do if it was any other way."

Aittera smirked as she raised her glass reflexively in response, but didn't take a drink. It was odd how much she didn't need a drink right now. Drinking was usually like breathing for her. "I don't even know what 'it' is."

"It is what ever we decide to make it."  He reached out with one hand, holding it palm up for hers. "I think that is why we're here."

She set her drink aside to slide her palm onto his, curling her fingers around his hand. "To figure it out."

Kol nodded, leaning down so that he could lift her hand to his lips, kissing the backside of her palm before giving her a wink and lowering it back. "What do you want, Aittera?"

The question was jarring. In the past, what she wanted was already long dead, and she had so accepted that as a part of who she was that to even consider wanting something else in its absence seemed inconceivable. "I don't want to rush into this - well, part of me does," she amended with an almost sheepish smile. "But let's set the physical aside for a moment. I've given up something that means a lot to me just to be sitting here with you. I don't take that lightly."

He smiled at her, and it seemed that over time his smile was becoming less and less predatory, less dangerous, and more affectionate. "I know.  If this was merely a physical thing, we'd both be disappointed.  Did you notice that about our dreams?  Yes, it was physical, but it also transcended that.  There was a connection that ran much deeper."

The more affectionate his smile grew, the more it coaxed an unguarded one from her like sunshine peering out from behind spent rain clouds. "Like getting a piece of yourself back that you hadn't even realized you'd been missing?"

"Something like that.  I wouldn't say a piece of myself, it was more a feeling.  And then there was that admission of need for it."  Kol set his own drink down to move from the chair over to the sofa, settling in beside her, and moved an arm behind her to once again take the hand he had been holding.

"It was like when we were together in those dreams. I could let the galaxy melt away, and I could just be happy. I know that is not possible in reality, not even for someone as powerful as I am," he added in a tone that was more sarcastic than serious. "But it was clear about one thing, I can be happy when I'm with you, even for fleeting moments."

"I would think that'd be easier for you anyway. You didn't have to sacrifice anything to get here - and before that gets you riled, let me be clear that I'm not complaining. I just think as proof that this could be good for you is piling up, I'm still sitting here in the wreckage of everything that's led me here." But, oh, isn't it simpler curled up at his side with that muscular arm wrapped around her shoulders, holding her close?

"And that's why it is very important to me to make sure that this is just as good for you, to make all the sacrifices you've already made worth it."  He leaned his head down to press his lips to her temple. "I never want you to look at what this is, regardless of where, or how far it goes, and regret a moment of it.  I want to not just think I am worth it, but to actually be worth it."

"I have an idea of where you can start, but I don't know that you'll like it or actually do it." The idea had come to her suddenly - as if all of the pieces to a puzzle were falling into place. "Step away from your life. Not forever. Just for a month or two. Take a leave of absence. No war, no wife, no...whatever else. I'm taking a contract that will involve a lot of time we can spend on the Hope, just you and me and an assload of supplies to run past Cartel blockades. Step into my life for a little while."

"I will do this thing you've asked me, happily even.  If when we return, you come on board the Avenger as my guest for a few weeks."  He looked over at her with a smile. "Then you can see that the Empire is not nearly as evil as the propaganda portrays us to be.  Just semi-evil,"  he teased. There was something serious underlying his tone; he truly wanted to show her that things could be good for them wherever they were.

"Deal," she answered without hesitation. "In the meantime - and I realize you'll need to make some kind of arrangements before we leave - will you stay on Nar as much as you can? Taking it slow is one thing, but taking it slow when you're cooped up on a freighter for days at a time is more than I think I could bear." She looked up at him with a mirthful smile. "It'd be nice to get to the point where we're ready to share a bed before there's really only one bed to share."

Kol nodded, smiling back at her. "I'd already planned to stay here for the foreseeable future.  I will need to shuttle back to the Avenger and make the arrangements for staying on the planet instead of the ship.  Then, I'll need at least a week before we can leave, but the initial arrangements shouldn't take more than half a day."

"You might want some less...polished clothing too," she smirked, tapping her finger on his armor over his chest. "The whole point of what we'll be doing is to not draw attention to yourself."

"I remember what wearing regular robes is like.  I'll do it again, for you."  He grinned and then added, "Plus, they'll be much easier to remove than this is.  And I know how much you're going to enjoy doing that."

Aittera laughed as she lifted a hand to his cheek, drawing him into a warm, affectionate kiss that in no way diminished the seemingly continuous electric undercurrent between them, and he squeezed her hand as he kissed her back with a warm smile.

"Would you like to be the one to shuttle me up to the Avenger?"

Much as they had accomplished in the short time since his arrival, trust was still something she was reminding herself that he had to earn. Besides, she was not quite sure she trusted herself in this situation either as her gut had refused to weigh in since that first kiss on the Promenade earlier in the evening. "Not this time. If I can't make myself say goodbye and let you leave, this whole 'taking it slow' idea is going to go right out the airlock."

Kol smiled and placed a light, affectionate kiss on her lips. "You know, now that you mention it, it probably is a good idea not to this first time.  I wouldn't want to have to execute any subordinates that give you weird looks," he teased. "And I think that is where we should say goodbye, for now."

(( Added to Aittera and the Dark Lord ))

Aittera and the Dark Lord

"I want to be surprised that you're in a cantina. I really do."

Aittera put her datapad down on the bar with an irritated scowl without looking over her shoulder at the source of the deep, rich Imperial accent. "I figured it'd be the most likely place you could look for me."

Kol moved to stand beside her. "Did you see it when you flew in?"

She bristled, taking a drink from the bottle of whiskey in her hand. "It's bigger than the one I blew up. I'll need a few more charges next time."

"You know that you have no desire to destroy that ship," he asserted smugly.

"Are you really so sure?" Aittera sneered, refusing to look over at him. "It was just a dream."

Kol smirked. "For now."

"I have the Hope back. Already have work lined up."

"So, we're moving on to that dream then?"

Aittera looked over at him, her expression determined as she met his gaze. "I thought we might skip to the part where we figure out how to make the dreams stop."

Kol laughed. "Come on. I have at least one idea, but this dive has lost its charm."

"Fine, but keep it in public for now. I don't trust you."

"I don't believe you."

Aittera glared at his back as she followed him out of the cantina and through the promenade, to a public (as in not inside) but quiet corner. He turned and moved in close, giving her a grin that did nothing to hide his nature as a predator. Her deep blue gaze slipped to his lips even as she squared her shoulders resolutely against he magnetic pull that now seemed to exist between them. That was new and not just a little unnerving when she thought about it.

"I honestly don't know how to make the dreams stop, if we even could.  However, I know better than to think that was your intent in inviting me here."

"I...did that without really thinking it through. I think finding some way to sever this connection between us is our best bet though."

"You're lying. I always know when you are."  Kol moved a finger under her chin, to bring her eyes back to his, and while she would expect his armor to be cold, the touch of his gloved finger was actually warm. "Why fight this so hard?"

Without shying away from meeting his gaze again, Aittera lifted her chin just a little higher to remove it from contact with the glove, a note of defiance in her tone. "It's not a lie. I didn't want to go to Kaas, but just the idea of seeing you was... It's not a lie. And I fight it, because I can't tell the difference between what I really want and what I want because of the dreams."

"You didn't have to go to Kaas.  I came to you, I will always come to you, Aittera.  I already made that promise once." He withdrew his hand.  "Isn't dreaming about it an indication that it is something you truly desire?"

"Or it's a side effect of the shielding that went wrong. Khor did say that we were still going to feel something of each other's presence. It could just be that it went further wrong than suspected." She wasn't being defensive so much as offering the same explanation to him that she'd been mollifying herself with. The promise he referred to was something she didn't want to dwell on, because it was the kind of promise she could want to count on, so she reminded herself one more time of the nature of the man standing before her like a ward against those feelings.

"I don't think that it is.  The presence may be, but these dreams, they feel different.  They're not like when I can hear you thinking at me."  Kol removed his gloves, attaching them to his belt before reaching for her hand, taking it in both of his.  "If it was just some quirk of the witch's spell, I would know. I would be able to feel it.  We Sith bend the force to our will,  and my experience with that has given me a perspective of it, even when it doesn't do exactly what I require."

Aittera watched him pull his gloves free and found herself fighting the urge to do so with her own - so much so that she had to replay what he'd just said in her mind to let it truly sink in. The dreams were different, and her gut told her that he was not lying or manipulating his explanation of why. "The question is, why aren't you fighting it? I thought Sith believed in crushing their enemies. No mercy, right? No exceptions. Doesn't any of this bother you?"

"You're not my enemy, Aittera.  You haven't been my enemy for a very long time."  It was an honest answer. "I've already told you that the admission of needing you was a hard truth for me to bear.  Sith do not turn from those truths. They face them, and they accept them.  Though that may seem like I'm taking a cold approach and just doing this because I have given in, that is not the case.  It's something I've wanted for longer than I'd even known I wanted it."

"Why?" It was just as honest a question. "And don't just say it's because I wouldn't break. That's something that might earn me some respect, but I can't see how that leads to...whatever this is."

"That's only part of it, a small part at that.  It's everything about you.  How no matter what happens, you remain this strong, beautiful, resourceful, intelligent woman.  Half the time you're the picture of a Republic citizen; the other half, I truly believe that uniform from the dream is meant to be yours.  And that's only scratching the surface of you."

She was stunned at the answer; not just for it's content, but for the conviction behind it. For several moments, the only response she could give was the way her deep blue eyes held his gaze firmly in their own, speaking volumes about her own desire to be wanted - needed - so completely. Some part of her had believed that getting back the freighter that had become home after losing Davin would prove to sate that desire, but of course it hadn't. She had once known what it was to feel whole, but that had been so long ago, she had somehow managed to convince herself that the Hope had become a suitable substitute.

But now, thanks to the dreams or this connection between them or whatever twist of fate this was, Aittera remembered that feeling of being completed by another person all too well. It beckoned to her from the presence of the man before her.

Kol closed one hand around hers while the other found its way behind her to press against her lower back, drawing her in as he bent to kiss her - a kiss of passion and desire, but also affection; even outright need.  It was somehow gentle and rough at the same time, as much of an enigma as the two of them, and she melted against him as she allowed herself to portray everything she couldn't put into words when his touch sent an electric pulse along her spine that awakened her senses in a way that made her feel truly alive. It was a moment of utter perfection.

In the wake of the kiss, as they looked into each other's soul, it seemed as though the universe itself stopped.

He leaned in to merely brush his lips against hers before bringing them to her ear. "Now, can we go somewhere not public?"

The feeling of power in the air shared between them promised to keep the world from rushing back in on them, and for a moment, everything in Aittera seemed to scream yes. Yes, before the memory of what it is to lose something this matchless catches up to remind her of what complete devastation feels like. Yes, before she can think herself out of what is happening. Yes, before the other shoe drops and reality smacks one or both of them in the face.

She gave a slow, almost shaky nod, as she whispered back the first of the disjointed thoughts that isn't any of those answers. "I bought us a bed."

(( So, I'm starting a new google doc with this post here. ))

An Ending

(( I love and hate this scene so much. I can't thank Selus's player enough for it. ))

Aittera eased the Devious Hope down in the hangar reserved for it on the asteroid where they'd been spending the last several weeks making the Corellian freighter spaceworthy again. She was more than satisfied with the test run, and she couldn't help but smile at the old familiar feeling of freedom that came with the restoration of this part of who she was.

"She held up really good for all the new parts.  Give it a week or so of you working them all and you won't even be able to tell it's basically a new ship inside an old shell.  Give me a few hours to fix that wiring problem and we can get out of here." Selus slipped into the co-pilot's chair and looked over at her, obviously just as pleased with the results.

She looked over at the Cathar and felt the assault of a myriad of emotions, realizing that she loved him too much to not be wholly honest with him. Her smile dissolved. "Selus, we should talk."

He looked at her, curious to see if she was finally ready to tell him what has been bothering her. "About what?"

Aittera turned her chair to face him, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. "All of it."

"Okay.  So we're going to have that talk."

She nodded and took one of his hands to hold with both of hers, looking at them with a sad, affectionate smile. "Yeah, I guess it's 'that' talk. We can't keep tip-toeing around the landmines, but I don't want to fight either."

"Then tell me what is going on.  I've been...pretty understanding by not asking repeatedly what is wrong when I find you out of bed in the middle of the night."  He brought their hands up so he could place a kiss to one of hers.  "I shouldn't be so terrified of the answer."

"Oddly, that's not even a fight I'm avoiding. When I do that, it's--" She drew in a slow breath. "Uh, when I said Ragious and I are still somehow connected mentally? It's happening a lot in dreams."

"You're dreaming about him?"  He didn't pull away, but there was something in his voice that could only be described as part disappointment and part disgust.

Aittera bristled, but moved on. After all, didn't she agree with those sentiments? "We're sharing dreams. It's not something either of us is doing on purpose."

"With Ragious?  Of all people..."  He shook his head and sighed. "So that's why you've dropped your feud then?"

"No, I dropped the feud because you asked me to."

"Well, good."  He at least seemed content that it was actually his asking that ended it, even if it had been a source of the strife between them.  "So what does that mean anyway?  Sharing dreams?"

"Mostly that we're dreaming the same things. I don't know if one of us is in the other's head or if it's just..." She shrugged. "...some kind of shared consciousness?"

"Okay.  So if that's not what you've been tiptoeing around, what was?"

"Do you remember how you reacted when Sky and I were discussing how to figure out what Jheryth was up to?"

"When I was pissed off because it was like you were encouraging her to whore herself to him?"

Aittera nodded without arguing the semantics. He saw it how he saw it, and that particular argument had been far too ugly to revisit now. "When you asked me to call a truce with Ragious, it felt like you were a lot less pissed off for what had happened to me. Like...you couldn't live with her willingly going to bed with Jheryth, but what happened to me was something you could be just fine with."

She'd managed to start evenly enough, but by the time she reached the end of the statement, her resentment and hurt is clear. When Selus had shown up to rescue her, what Ragious's men were doing was far worse than a mutually enjoyable dinner date.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry that it seemed that way, that what I did made you think that, but that wasn't what was going through my head at all.  I couldn't stop what had happened to you.  I couldn't make it better, there was no making it better.  I knew that if we continued like we were, one of us would die.  I didn't care so much if I did, but I couldn't let it be you.  With the choice to delay killing Ragious and keeping you alive, or killing Ragious and losing you, there really wasn't another choice for me."

"There's this trick. Well, I suppose it's more mental conditioning than anything else really - something left over from training for deep cover when I was in SIS. It's something we were supposed to be able to use to withstand torture if captured. It's a little like locking everything important as far away from what is going on as possible to keep from breaking. To be honest, while I know what happened to me, it feels like I wasn't really there for it."

Aittera looked up from their hands to meet his gaze. "It's also what I did that night that you asked me to agree to the truce."

"I don't know if there was a good choice to be made now.  Lose you, or hurt you.  That sounds like those were my options."

"I can't argue with that." She paused. "I can, however, say that's where everything unravels for me."

"What do you mean?"

Aittera took another deep breath, obviously wanting to explain in the least damaging way possible. "I mean before that moment, every fight you and I ever had was about fighting to hold onto each other, to be an 'us'."

"Heh, for my part, I thought that's what I was doing."

"I know."

Selus sighed and shook his head. "I don't know how to make it right."

She leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "I don't either. I wish I could say that everything that followed would be different, but I don't know that I believe that. I thought I did, but when I'm honest with myself..." Aittera squeezed her eyes tightly shut for a moment, as though just that much - being honest with herself - was too painful. "I'm not the same person I was before all of this."

"I can't really say I'm the same either.  I think that's okay though, for both of us.  We all change over time, with every different thing that happens.  I just need to know if you still love me, if you still want to be with me."

When her eyes opened again, they glistened with unshed tears. "I still love you, but...there's something else going on that I can't..."

Selus let out the breath that he didn't realize he'd been holding in and nodded. "I think part of me knew this was coming."

"If I could swear to you that I didn't have doubts or that I could make this other thing go away, I would do it in a heartbeat. I was determined at first to try, but...I don't know how to go back and undo what's been done."

He pulled his hand from hers, offering a sad smile. "I wouldn't trade what we had for anything Aittera.  I want you to know that.  I hope whatever this other thing is that you're happy.  I'm going to go fix the ship, and then I'm going to take the Wanderer and fly.  Don't be here when I get back please."

She nodded, fighting the urge to fly into his arms and beg him to let her take it all back. In fact, she was halfway out of her seat before she even realized it. "I'm sorry."

Selus just shook his head and walked out of the cockpit.

(( Added to The Next Chapter ))

Surrender

Sensing that Aittera was alone in the rebuilt cockpit of the Devious Hope, Ragious appeared sitting beside her in the new co-pilots chair, his force projected self once more in the simple, neutral black outfit he so often wore in their shared dreams.  "You know, for a while there you were enjoying our conversations.  Then he shows back up and all of a sudden you're treating me like your enemy again."

As soon as he spoke, a shadow of guilt dimmed her expression briefly as she kept her deep blue gaze fixed determinedly on the panel in front of her, programming in further diagnostics. For several moments, it seemed as though she was going to ignore him entirely, but she finally responded without looking over at him, her tone quiet but with a hardened and distant edge. "I've had my hands full with repairs to the ship you tried to destroy."

"If I wanted this ship destroyed it would not have been salvageable.  And anyway, we both know when you're lying."  He put his feet up on the console in front of him, and since he wasn't really there physically, they almost seemed to sink into it.  "You haven't even been speaking to me in our dreams. You seem to enjoy the pleasure, but then you pull back and withdraw as soon as you know it's a dream."

Aittera bristled and punched the last button of the sequence she was finishing with far more pressure than necessary, directing her gaze out of the viewport. "What else is there to say? They're just dreams, Ko--Ragious. Once I know it's a dream, I choose to be faithful to the man I'm actually sleeping with."

"Only, you're thinking about me when you do." He looked over at her - not for confirmation, because he already knew what he was saying was true - he wanted to see her reaction to him knowing.

She shot a murderous look at the image of his face, shame keeping her from denying or confirming his claim. Of course it was true. She could barely look at Selus because of it.

"I'm not sure why you continue the charade.  You know that you feel the same pull I do.  Sure, you may not consciously want that uniform from our dream, but a part of you does.  And I'm not even asking that of you.  I don't need it, but for some reason I seem to need you."

He could've said anything else, and Aittera would have been able to keep her resolve. Hell, she wished he had said anything aside from how he needed her. Instead, stubbornness gave way, leaving a stricken look in her eyes as the breath went out of her. The wall she was trying to secure herself behind crumbled as she searched for any evidence in his expression or body language that he was manipulating her or lying. "It's not...yes...there is something, but that doesn't mean we have to act on it."

"Who are you trying to convince?"  Nothing in his body language suggested anything but honesty as he crossed his arms and met her gaze. "What do you think is going to happen if we continue to fight it as hard as we have been?  Hell, when I realized that a part of me needed you, I was half ready to jump my ship to Coruscant and see how many ships and how much of the planet I could burn before I went down.  As much love as is there, even Kiabe and I have never needed each other."

The mention of his wife made her wince. "That moment - the one that seems to happen in every damn dream where I just...melt into you. It's not something I do. Not since---"

Self-consciously, she got to her feet, two fingers rubbing the center of her forehead as she began to pace the tiny bit of floor space in the cockpit. "You don't understand. I'm not a cheater. I don't cheat. I realize that you have some kind of--well, whatever arrangement this is that you have with your wife. It's just not in me."

"It's something you seem to want to do with me."  He swung his legs down, and even though he was not really there, when he moved to swivel the chair, it swiveled with him, showing just how much control he could exert on the environment.  "And I did say I don't know why you keep up the charade.  You could end it with him at any time.  You've already been cleared for travel to Kaas."

Aittera stopped pacing to turn to him with an incredulous look. "What makes you think I want to end it with him? Especially for someone who stands for everything I'm--- You can't possibly--"

"I know you."

"If you knew me at all, you couldn't possibly imagine me coming to Kaas to become one of your women."

"I don't think you'll come to Kaas and be one of my women, no.  I think you'll come to Kaas because you want to be close to me.  Not to live, but to visit. You have your own ship again.  You have your freedom back.  I didn't want anyone to interfere, so I cleared the Hope for travel throughout Imperial space."

"Because I want to put myself in the epicenter of the Empire where I can't be rescued when you decide you want to lock me in a room again?"

Ragious gave her an incredulous look of his own.  "Do you really think that is going to happen?"

"Just because I'm attracted to you doesn't for one minute mean I trust you, and you shouldn't trust me either. I give you credit for being at least that smart."

"The next time I tie you up in a room in reality, it will be at your request.  After all, you've experienced that in one of our dreams, and you enjoyed it,"  he challenged as he stood and crossed his arms again. "He is coming, and as much as I want to let him see me, I wouldn't hurt you like that."

Aittera flushed at the suggestive statement and the reminder of one of the several dreams they'd shared in the weeks since that first night she spent back on the Wanderer after Selus's return. She glanced back toward the door, then to him again, torn, the next words that came slipping from her lips surprising her. "Come to Nar."

Ragious's face showed no surprise in response as he nodded before fading from view.

(( Added to The Next Chapter ))

Waking Up

(( I'd like to say something about the player behind Darth Ragious before you read the next few posts for Aittera's story. I have found it to be a very rare thing in RP and/or storytelling to find someone who can listen to me explain the vision behind a story mechanic, then write it so adeptly, so...well, really there is no way to convey how impressed and grateful I am for the way this is turning out and for his permission to continue to post the results here. ))


Aittera stood at the balcony railing, overlooking a stunning silver-blue ocean that could be made of diamonds for the way it sparkled and shown beneath the brilliant red-yellow sun. She pulled the thin white silk robe up from where it had fallen from her shoulder and re-tied the sash at her waist.

Stepping out of the door leading back into their suite, Kol moved up behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist as he took in the smell of the ocean combined with her scent. She leaned back against his muscular chest, indulging in the security of his arms around her, the way she felt utterly at peace here. It was as though they had found the one secret place in all the universe where no one could find them.

Turning her in his arms, he looked down at her with an affectionate smile before he bent to press his lips to hers in a soft, but increasingly passion filled kiss, his hands at her ass pulling her against him, his muscular chest pressing against the fabric of the robe. She slipped her arms up around his neck as he drew her into the kiss, tracing delicate patterns just beneath his hairline as she murmured a contented sound against his tongue, and once again, time stopped.

Finally, she ended the kiss without pulling away, smiling against his lips. "More already?"

"Can't help it.  It is that amazing body of yours."  He grinned against her lips.  

"I wish we could stay just like this...here...forever."

Kol placed kisses along her neck, whispering to her, "We could you know?"

Her eyes slipped closed as the warmth of his mouth caressed her neck, leaning her head back to absorb his attentions. Something tugged at the back of her mind, though, and she frowned slightly. "I don't think we can. There's something I'm forgetting..."

His lips moved to hers again, placing soft kisses between the words. "Nothing important I'm sure.  I always just let the galaxy melt away whenever I'm near you.  Because no one and nothing else matters."

He was right. Nothing else could possibly matter but the way he makes her feel whenever he holds her.

Aittera sat in the galley of the Wanderer with a cup of caff clutched between her hands as the most recent dream replayed itself in her mind. Was it possible that they were becoming more vivid, more...palpable? It was as though her very skin remembered his touch, the heat of his breath, and the absence of those sensations was somehow painful.

Curled up in his lap as he sat with his back resting against the headboard of the suite's bed, she rested her head against his chest, listening to his heart beat, his hand caressing her hair. "I don't want to leave."

"Where else would we go that could be as perfect as here?"

Where indeed? A sudden ice cold realization stabbed its way down her spine, and she sat up suddenly, looking around the lavish suite.

"What is the matter my love?"

"This isn't real."

Sitting up with her, Ragious looked around, shaking his head as if coming out of a daze. "No, it's not.  This is a dream.  Another shared one I imagine."

She scrambled out of his lap and across to the foot of the bed. "Why the hell does this keep happening?"

He frowned at the way Aittera moved so far away from him. "Don't look at me.  You've seen what my subconscious looks like.  If this was me, we'd be aboard the Avenger and you'd have an Imperial uniform hanging in the corner."

She glowered back at him. "You think this is me?"

"I don't know!"

Seething, she moved off of the bed, becoming fully clothed in the process - a deep blue dress with an uncharacteristically high neckline. "This has to stop!"

"You didn't seem to want it to stop a few minutes ago."

"It was a DREAM a few minutes ago!"

For his part, Ragious appeared to have the pants on again, though he stayed on the bed, reclining in that relaxed position without any sign that he shared in her irritation. "And what is it now?"

"A nightmare?" Aittera challenged, infuriated at him for being so undisturbed.

"You can say that all you want, but I know better.  A part of you wishes that this was real right now."

"If that's true, then part of you does too."

"And at least I admit that."

Her eyes grew wide with disbelief. "No. This..." She waved her hand at their surroundings. "ALL of this...this is because of that mindfuck or whatever that's been making me see you."

"I haven't been causing any of this, Aittera.  I know that it would be so easy to just blame it on me, but if this is a dream, and we're both sharing it, you'll know I'm not lying when I say that I'm as much swept up in it as you.  That last one - that admission that I could need you?  I was so kriffing angry after that."

She nodded emphatically as she gestured toward him in response. "Right? I was ready to kill you for that damned uniform!"

"Because it was there, or because a part of you could actually see yourself happy in it?"

She glared at Ragious, biting off a retort, her nostrils flaring. "That's not the point! We need to make this stop!"

"I'm not sure why.  It's not like they're doing us any harm or aren't generally enjoyable."

Another thought occurred to Aittera, and she rubbed her forehead with two fingers as she sunk into a chair with another realization. "I'm in bed with Selus right now."

"And I'm in bed next to someone important as well. I suggest not telling him."

She looked up at him with an incredulous expression. "You think?"

"Probably a good idea."  He was almost teasing her now.  "I suggest we learn to enjoy them when they're good like this."

"I don't---we...no. This is not---" Ragious's non-reaction was getting to her as she realized further that he was enjoying this.

"Wake up then.  If you really don't like this, then why are you still here?"

"Good point." With that, Aittera willed herself awake, disappearing from the dream.

And that was just what she planned to do the next time, she told herself firmly.

(( Added to The Next Chapter ))

Exactly! (OOC Post)

When I read this, I realized this is exactly why Joss Whedon's shows have always appealled to me. This describes exactly the kind of stories I like to RP and why I have so much love for Aittera and characters like her.

"But Joss Whedon's version of a hero doesn't always win. He loses more than he wins, and when he wins, the victories are tiny, but he takes 'em. "That's a victory! I call that a victory!" It's a tiny victory — he takes it, and that's what he walks away with. And that's something I can actually relate to.

That's something that people can relate to — because that's actually life. I don't know a lot of people who win more than they lose. Life is kind of a losing proposition as you go. It's not all winning lotteries every day. It's a lot of "What do I do with this problem? Now how do I handle this?" I think people can relate easier to someone who isn't prepared to handle every single situation, and everything comes out roses and their way, and all they've got to do is be cool. We don't have that in real life."

--from Nathan Fillion's forward in Whedon: The Biography

OOC - What's going on in RL

I'm putting this here rather than on our main blog because I've taken a step back from RP, and I feel like I owe the friends I RP with an explanation. Also, a few of you seem genuinely concerned and interested, and rather than explain this to each of you separately (and squander what little time I can get to RP over the coming weeks), I thought it might be easier to put it all down in one spot. Real life has been biting me in the ass (and in one case, quite literally) for a while now, and it seems like July was my month to finally get overwhelmed by it all.

First off, as most of you know, I have bipolar disorder with general anxiety. For the last couple of weeks, that has meant finally succumbing to a depressive swing that makes my thoughts sluggish, keeps me very tired (and rather than hypersomnia, I get insomnia), and a little snappish/impatient. Mike finally stepped in when I admitted things were going further south than I'd like and encouraged me to take a break, which I did. I can't say I'm all better, but at least I can put a sentence together without stumbling partway through, so I call that progress enough to end the break.

We're having some financial problems. Right now, we're supporting four people on primarily one income (with not near enough help from our roommate), and that income has become inconsistent as problems have arisen at Mike's job. The strain and stress this is causing is enough to make anyone have anxiety, and yes, I'm having a lot of it.

One of the most important coping mechanisms I have for living with bipolar is a stable home environment. However, since the end of last year, my home environment has been steadily changing from "safe and stable" to what can best be described as "hostile". Our landlord refuses to treat the building for a bedbug infestation (and blames it specifically on us, because we reported the problem first), and his (what I can only describe as 'laughable') handymen have been dicking around with fixing our air conditioning since November (which has driven our electric bill through the roof). We also have a family member staying with us who is a nightmare of a roommate.

For about a year now, I've been struggling with what I can only really call a crisis of faith, and I finally, FINALLY, finally have come to a place where I can honestly say - at least to you and myself - that I've found myself changed on the other side of it. My next very real concern is whether my very conservative Baptist family will still be speaking to me once they find out. This causes a great deal of anxiety and worry.

And lastly, we come to the best thing that has happened to us this year. My son has joined the Air Force and will get a full college education and job training that we could never really have hoped to provide for him. I'm very proud and excited for him, and he will be the first person from my side of the family to get a college degree. It means his future will be a lot better than the kind of life we've managed to eek out, and that should be what a parent fights for, in my opinion.

Mike, my son, and I are very close, so the undertow of this is that my baby is leaving for basic training and tech school soon. In fact, they keep moving the estimated date that he'll be leaving us up so that I've gone from having three to six months before he leaves to an estimate of mid-August. So, I'm going to be trying to get as much time with him as I possibly can between now and then.

Beyond that, I will keep you posted on my enjin profile page and the guild forums.

Thanks for reading.