Chandrila

Starbreaker Estate, about 3am...

The peace is shattered by a scream of terror in the dark.

Immediately awake, Varr'o Starbreaker fights the thrashing arms and legs of the little blue-haired woman in bed beside him to force her into an embrace, whispering words of comfort, urging her to wake up, reassuring her that she is dreaming, worrying for her more than ever before. It's impressive how hard the diminutive spacer manages to kick as she screams incoherently, but he holds her tight against his chest, letting her fight her way back to consciousness, reminding her that she is safe with him, that he loves her. Slowly, her  struggles slow until she collapses against his chest, sobbing as he rocks her in his arms, swearing to her that he will protect her no matter what.

This isn't the first night he has walked her through her night terrors. However, it is the first time her voice, hushed and hoarse from crying, will sound in the dark. "I hate him."

"Who were you seeing Kel?  The man who attacked you, or your father?"  He continues to hug her to him, his protective arms around her as he kisses the top of her head.  "Or both?"

"My father," she answers in that same quiet hush as though talking any louder might summon his actual ghost.

Then, she does something she never really has before. She talks about him. Stranger still, not one trace of her accent or butchered grammar is present. "After my mother died, he locked himself in his room for almost a month, and we were all so worried for him. Then, one day, he came downstairs to breakfast like it was any normal day. He seemed like he maybe was alright, you know?

"Then, that night, he tucked me in like he used to. He even kissed my nose like he did when I was little, and I laughed for the first time since my mother had died."

Varr'o moves one hand to hers, lacing their fingers together as she speaks.  Listening to her story, he doesn't interrupt, doesn't question, just lets her get through what she needs to.

She remains uncharacteristically still, her head resting on his chest where he'd been holding her during her thrashing, grateful for the darkness that conceals her face as tears continue to flow silently from her dark brown eyes. "That's what did it, I think. I think it was because I laughed. Suddenly, he was so angry, and he was hitting me, calling me names, saying things that I think he thought he was saying to her about using him and leaving him."

"He was mad at her for dying?"  Varr'o shakes his head and kisses hers again, giving her another hug.

"I think so?" A beat of silence. "I think I would be mad at you for dying."

"Yeah, I'd probably be mad at you for it too."  He leans around so that he can kiss her cheek, and feeling the wetness he brings his hand up to wipe away any tears.

"If you died, I'd be so mad at you, because I'd want to be dead too. I think that's why he was mad."

"I wish he'd have killed himself, rather than taking his anger out on you.  I know I shouldn't say that, but I just...I wish I could have saved you."

"I think you did."

"Well, I wish I could have done it sooner."

"I want to get married again, but this time, I don't want it to be a secret, and I don't want mistresses or boyfriends or any of those things to be okay. I just want it to be you and me, and I want you to quit the army and co-captain the Starchaser." It seems to her mind that she says this all in a rush, but Varr'o hears a calm, measured certainty in her tone that is wholly new.

For the first time in her life, Kel'ri is trusting him enough to tell him what she - Kel'ri, not Blue - really and truly wants, and a tremor ripples through her in the moment after as she fights the urge to brace herself against a negative reaction or take it all back before he can reject her.

“Okay.  I can do all that.  That’s what I wanted from the start you know?”  He agrees easily, hugging her as he does. “It seemed like that’s what you wanted when we were here the first time, but when we got back, it all seemed to just...fall back to what it was before we ever got married.”

"I think I was scared. When we got back to Carrick, everyone seemed to look at me like I was supposed to be Blue, so I was Blue." She takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I don't want to be Blue anymore."

“I want you to be you.  Not what you think I want, or anyone else wants.  I want you to be Kel’ri, the Kel’ri that you want to be.”

"Will you help me?"

“However I can.”

"Swear?"

“On my life.”

(( The journey Kel'ri has been on since her inception has been an amazing experience, and I want to thank everyone who has ever RP'd with her for helping shape that journey. I hope the next chapter is as phenomenal as the first.
Above all, I want to thank Derek for his infinite patience with me for the way I dither with her, constantly question where to take her, how to grow her, etc. 
She's one of my most favorite characters ever, and that's because of all of you. ))