I'm putting this here rather than on our main blog because I've taken a step back from RP, and I feel like I owe the friends I RP with an explanation. Also, a few of you seem genuinely concerned and interested, and rather than explain this to each of you separately (and squander what little time I can get to RP over the coming weeks), I thought it might be easier to put it all down in one spot. Real life has been biting me in the ass (and in one case, quite literally) for a while now, and it seems like July was my month to finally get overwhelmed by it all.
First off, as most of you know, I have bipolar disorder with general anxiety. For the last couple of weeks, that has meant finally succumbing to a depressive swing that makes my thoughts sluggish, keeps me very tired (and rather than hypersomnia, I get insomnia), and a little snappish/impatient. Mike finally stepped in when I admitted things were going further south than I'd like and encouraged me to take a break, which I did. I can't say I'm all better, but at least I can put a sentence together without stumbling partway through, so I call that progress enough to end the break.
We're having some financial problems. Right now, we're supporting four people on primarily one income (with not near enough help from our roommate), and that income has become inconsistent as problems have arisen at Mike's job. The strain and stress this is causing is enough to make anyone have anxiety, and yes, I'm having a lot of it.
One of the most important coping mechanisms I have for living with bipolar is a stable home environment. However, since the end of last year, my home environment has been steadily changing from "safe and stable" to what can best be described as "hostile". Our landlord refuses to treat the building for a bedbug infestation (and blames it specifically on us, because we reported the problem first), and his (what I can only describe as 'laughable') handymen have been dicking around with fixing our air conditioning since November (which has driven our electric bill through the roof). We also have a family member staying with us who is a nightmare of a roommate.
For about a year now, I've been struggling with what I can only really call a crisis of faith, and I finally, FINALLY, finally have come to a place where I can honestly say - at least to you and myself - that I've found myself changed on the other side of it. My next very real concern is whether my very conservative Baptist family will still be speaking to me once they find out. This causes a great deal of anxiety and worry.
And lastly, we come to the best thing that has happened to us this year. My son has joined the Air Force and will get a full college education and job training that we could never really have hoped to provide for him. I'm very proud and excited for him, and he will be the first person from my side of the family to get a college degree. It means his future will be a lot better than the kind of life we've managed to eek out, and that should be what a parent fights for, in my opinion.
Mike, my son, and I are very close, so the undertow of this is that my baby is leaving for basic training and tech school soon. In fact, they keep moving the estimated date that he'll be leaving us up so that I've gone from having three to six months before he leaves to an estimate of mid-August. So, I'm going to be trying to get as much time with him as I possibly can between now and then.
Beyond that, I will keep you posted on my enjin profile page and the guild forums.
Thanks for reading.
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