Drawing Lines

When Kol stepped into his quarters, he found Aittera pacing impatiently with an air of worry about her. “What happened?”

She halted mid-step and turned to face him. "I just ran into Thalkyr."

Kol crossed his arms. "What did that child do?"

She waved a dismissive hand with a shake of her head. "I can handle him. It's Kiabe I'm worried about. He says she knows about us."

That seemed to have the same effect on him that it had on her when she'd found out, and his arms fell to his sides as his shoulders slumped. "I guess I knew she would find out. Even with ordering the ship not to contact anyone during the shakedown, it wasn't like we were being sneaky on Nar Shaddaa or anything. Nor did we have reason to."

Aittera nodded as she sank onto the couch. "I'm not a ch--well, I guess now I am a cheater."

Kol moved to sit beside her on the couch, sliding an arm around her. "No, it's not cheating if there is an understanding, and that has always been something Kiabe and I have,” he said, trying to reassure her. "Yes, this time it's...different. The feelings are different, and much more intense."

She let him draw her close, leaning against his side as she noted to herself that they were back to having 'feelings' in spite of the declarations of love they had been prone to before they'd left Nar Shaddaa. "Do you think she knows that? Because, I'm betting that makes your little agreement less...well, agreeable."

"When it comes to my wife, I always assume she knows everything."

"So, what's she going to do?"

"I don't know, this is completely new territory. You're not someone she can manipulate or intimidate. I..." Kol trailed off as he let his mind work through the possibilities. His expression spoke volumes for him though. He couldn't think of any real kind of solution, and as she was about to voice her lack of confidence, he grasped for a far flung straw. "You know what? I think I know how to completely throw her."

Aittera waited for him to elaborate.

"Befriend her." A grin slowly grew on his lips. “Befriend my wife. She'll never see it coming."

Aittera gave him a look of utter disbelief. "Are you out of your mind? You want your - well, for lack of a better term - mistress to befriend your wife?"

“It's not uncommon among Sith. And she's pragmatic enough to know that having you as an friend - even a begrudging one - is better than having you as an enemy."

"You're insane,” she scoffed. “I don't want to be her friend. I don't want her in your life, period."

"She's my wife, Aittera. I don't know what else I can do."

"You can choo--" she bites off the rest of that word and gets up to walk across to the liquor cabinet. "Yeah, I know. She was here first."

"It's not that. It was never that. Just because I love you, doesn't mean I stop loving her."

"One of the very good reasons I had not to do this with you to begin with."

She didn't have to turn around to hear the impact her biting comment had. She heard it in his voice. “Aittera...you have to admit this has been good, for both of us."

She poured a glassful of Vosh from his thankfully well-stocked liquor cabinet. "Yeah, and I admit it. I have been happy - really and truly - for the first time in..." She stopped to take a drink from the glass and hissed through her teeth as the burn followed the alcohol down her throat. "But I'm not Kiabe. I don't share, and I'm not built to be the 'other woman'. I tried to tell you that."

"I can't just stop loving my wife, or you. I admit, there are times when I could see myself just staying with you, but there is always a part of me saying that it wouldn't last, that I couldn't just commit myself to one person forever. It's not in me."

"Right. That takes trust."

"What about you? Have you ever even seriously considered staying here with me?"

Aittera took another drink before answering, keeping her back turned to him. She knew that admitting the thoughts she'd had on the subject would make her feel more vulnerable if she voiced them, and now, she realized just how much of her belonged to him no matter what was going to come next. Too late to hold back now, right?

"I keep trying not to. I'm so stupid! I have these fantasies about us...that somehow, I'm the wife that everyone's terrified of, except I'm next to you, on the bridge of the Avenger...on Kaas...in my apartment." She hung her head with a bitter chuckle at how she sounded to herself.

"Then why can't that be the reality? You can be all those things."

"How?" she sighed with another shake of her head. "I mean...do you even hear yourself? Go make friends with Kiabe. 'Yes, Kiabe, I think you're a lovely woman. Please divorce Kol so I can have him. Still friends? Great!' Why don't I see it as that simple?"

He rubbed at his forehead. "Yeah, I know, it was a stupid suggestion. It's..." His turn to sigh. "If you could just...if you could just accept that I love you, and that just because I love someone else doesn't diminish that. If you could accept that part of me, and be with me, why does any of the rest have to matter? I can handle Kiabe. Suggesting the two of you be friends was stupid of me. But if you are serious, if you actually do desire what you just shared, Aittera, we can make it work."

"It's not about accepting that you love me. I accept that just fine. But it isn't enough to just love me, Kol. That's not---" She broke off to turn and look at him. "If we were together like this, there wouldn't be room for anyone else. At all. It's not about loving or not loving someone else. It's about being so consumed with love for one person that you don't have time or interest in doing anything about loving those other people."

"Then marry me. Show me."

The sound of shattering glass filling the room told her that her drink had slipped from her grasp. A heartbeat. She countered. "Divorce her."

His turn. "Renounce the Republic for all times, and captain this ship."

"Swear to me that I'll be the only woman in your bed!"

"I can't swear to that, because I never want to be dishonest with you! I'd never ask you to make that promise. All I can swear is to love you."

There it was. "And all I can swear to you is to be who I am and love you. Don't ask me to be something I'm not, and I won't ask it of you."

"Then we stay what we are, and both be happy with that?"

Aittera blinked, not even really sure if this had been a fight or just the moment they had each drawn their respective line in the sand. It wasn't as though they didn't know any of this about each other already, and they had each agreed not to try to force the other to change. "Right."

Kol offered her a smile as he stood to walk to her, his boots crunching glass, and took her hands into his. "I do love you, I hope I never give you reason to question that much at least."

"I wasn't questioning that." She didn't quite smile back, but her hands slid easily into his when he took them, setting off the pang in her heart that reminded her how right that simple gesture felt.

He brought her fingers to his lips to kiss them. "I meant, in the future."

Aittera's eyes slipped closed as she leaned toward him, letting him wrap his arms around her. "I doubt that will be what ends this, Kol."

He hugged her against his chest. "If I get my way, and you know I usually do, this will never end."

She chuckled darkly, the sound of it so alien in her ears, she could almost believe it must be coming from someone else. “If I get my way, you might want it to."


(( I especially want to thank the player of Ragious/Kol for this scene. It had this surprisingly crisp, clear shorthand that fit the characters so well, and I enjoyed writing my side of it! ))